Mike's Movie Tips

1.5/4 Starring: George Clooney, John Krasinski, Renee Zellwegger, Jonathan Pryce Rated PG-13 for Brief Strong Language There are two things that every screwball comedy must have: timing and momentum.  These things are essential and non-negotiable.  Without them, you end up with a bore like "Leatherheads." The film is about the beginnings of professional football (although anyone who even has a mild appreciation of the game should stay far away from this disaster...as should everyone else by the way).  Dodge Connelly (Clooney) is a player for the Duluth Bulldogs, a minor team.  As it is now, football has no rules and few spectators.  College football is a different story, and everyone is talking about Carter "The Bullet" Rutherford (Krasinski).  He's talented, a war hero, and a nice guy...in other words, he's the kind of guy you almost want to strangle because he's so good.  He even has his own agent, the sleazy CC Frazier (Pryce).  After e...

2/4 Starring (voices): Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Imelda Staunton, David Tennant Rated PG for Mild Action, Rude Humor and Some Language The existence of a British claymation comedy brings to mind Nick Park, the creator of the "Wallace and Grommit."  While those shorts (plus the movie) come from the same studio, Aardman Animations, Park did not have any direct involvement with "The Pirates! Band of Misfits."  They do however, share the involvement of Peter Lord, who produced Park's films and co-directed this one.  This, however, is the only time that Park, Wallace or Gromit are going to be mentioned in this review because doing so is insulting to the inventor and his dog.  This movie couldn't be more mundane. The Pirate Captain (Grant) is an enthusiastic buccaneer with a hardy crew who adore him.  Sadly, they're the only ones who give him any respect since he is not especially successful.  The Captain wants to win the "Pirate of the Year...

1.5/4 Starring: Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Danielle Harris, Noble Willingham, Taylor Negron, Chelsea Field Rated R for Graphic Violence and Very Strong Language Action comedies are supposed to be fun.  A good one will raise the adrenaline while keeping you laughing.  "True Lies" is a good example.  So is "Rush Hour."  "The Last Boy Scout," starring the action star of the early nineties, Bruce Willis, is mean-spirited bore. Joe Hallenbeck (Willis) is a washed up private detective (Bogie must be rolling in his grave) who has just discovered that his wife (Field) is cheating on him with his best friend (Bruce McGill).  But when said friend ends up dead in an explosion after giving Joe a case involving a harassed stripper (a pre-famous Halle Berry), he ends up getting roped into a conspiracy with an ex-football star, Jimmy Dix (Wayans) involving corrupt politicians and a football team owner. This movie is unpleasant from the first scene.  A...

Theater attendance is down considerably from where it was a year ago.  It's been years since a movie I've wanted to see was sold out, and it's rare that there is much of a line to buy tickets.  There are a number of reasons for this: movie quality is going down the drain, there's a complete lack of variety or originality, the ticket prices are ballooning exponentially, and the theater experience (bad 3D, dim lights and sound unless you pay extra for IMAX) is terrible.  Plus, Blu-Rays and big Hi-Def TVs are fairly affordable, and offer a better experience for a much cheaper price, and since few people go to the theaters are causing the release windows to shorten, it's not that long of a wait for a movie that most are only mildly interested in. But the reason no one talks about is that the theater goers are horrible.  I used to love sitting in a crowded movie theater watching a good movie.  Now, I dread it.  Many people in the theater are shockingly impolit...

James Cameron is a master storyteller.  From "True Lies" to " Titanic " and " Avatar ," Cameron knows how to involve an audience and stage an action scene for maximum effect.  But more importantly, he knows how to create characters that everyone can relate to and care about.  Those two qualities are the reasons why his last two films have broken box office records. Now that I've seen both of them within a day of each other on the big screen (a local theater had a showing of "Avatar" on the mega screen in 3D), which is the optimal medium to view both of them, I started wondering which was the stronger film.  They're both excellent films, and I have no reservations about giving them both 4/4 ratings.  Both films are rousing experiences with great emotional highs and lows, and are superbly told with compelling characters and stories. When it comes to action, "Avatar" is the way to go.  That's not to say that "Titanic...

3/4 Starring: Denzel Washington, Clive Owen, Jodie Foster, Willem Dafoe, Christopher Plummer, Chiwetel Ejifor Rated R for Language and Some Violent Images This ain't no bank robbery! --Detective Keith Frazier Indeed, very little of what happens in this movie is what it seems.  Everyone has an ulterior motive and no one plays by the rules.  This keeps the film much more interesting in Spike Lee's imperfect but very compelling thriller. Four people walk into a Manhattan Bank and tell everyone to lie down.  They are ruthlessly efficient and intelligent.  It's quite clear that these are no ordinary bank robbers. Detective Keith Frazier (Washington) is on the scene.  He's been in this kind of situation before (or at least knows what he's doing).  The head thief, who tells us in the opening scene that his name is Dalton Russell (Owen) wants buses and a plane to escape with the hostages.  Everything seems to be going according to plan until Frazier...

3/4 Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Michael Gambon, Mark Pickering, Miranda Richardson Rated R for Graphic Horror Violence and Gore, and for a Scene of Sexuality Apologies to Washington Irving, but Tim Burton's movie (which butchers the story beyond recognition) is a lot of fun.  The film is "based on the story" by Irving, although once the first half is over, the similarities end, and the imaginations of Andrew Kevin Walker (writer of "Seven") and Kevin Yagher take over. I have not read Irving's tale; my previous knowledge of the Headless Horsemen is limited to the 1949 Disney short.  It's a pretty simple story, one that would have trouble being extended into a film of feature length.  In their adaptation, Burton and his screenwriters let their imaginations run wild.  Conspiracies, witchcraft and buried secrets are at the heart of the story.  Oh, and lots of lopped off heads. Irving's famous hero, the oddly named Ichabod Crane (Dep...

2/4 Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Christopher Egan, Vanessa Redgrave, Gael Garcia Bernal Rated PG for Brief Rude Behavior, Some Language and Incidental Smoking Despite having the presence of two gifted actresses and a director who has done great work before ("Tadpole"), "Letters to Juliet" is kind of a trial.  It looks great and has some wonderful views of Italy, but the romance is undeveloped and the film lacks focus. Sophie (Seyfried) is a fact-checker for the New Yorker, although she longs to be a writer.  She's been engaged for a year to restaurateur Victor (Bernal) and because he's about to open a new restaurant, they decide to go on their honeymoon before the wedding.  But Victor busies himself buying things for his restaurant instead of spending time with Sophie.  While alone, she finds Juliet's (Shakespeare's Juliet) secretaries, a group of women who answer letters that lovelorn women leave on her wall.  One day she finds a letter buried...

3/4 Not Rated (contains discussion of bestiality, a brief and obscured image of the act and the gelding of the horse...it's a probable R, although I wouldn't put it past the MPAA to dish out an NC-17) I remember reading about the story of Kenneth Pinyan, also known as Mr. Hands, who died of internal injuries after having anal intercourse with a horse.  The story was bizarre to me, just like it was to most others who read it.  And yet, it aroused my curiosity.  Due to the results, it was obvious that Pinyan was on the receiving end (or a "bottom," as it's called).  But why?  Why did he do this?  Up until this case, bestiality was legal in Washington state, but should it be?  Can an animal give consent to sex, or is this question irrelevant?  The documentary "Zoo" asks these questions while giving us an idea of the people who do this sort of thing. Through the internet, a group of people who have sexual interests in animals found each other. ...

3/4 Starring: Will Smith, Kevin James, Eva Mendes, Amber Valetta Rated PG-13 for Language and Some Strong Sexual References If there was any role that was tailor made for megastar Will Smith, it's the role of Alex "Hitch" Hitchens, the "Date Doctor."  Smith has an enormous amount of charisma and likability, which is what it takes to bring this character to life.  Kevin James, Eva Mendes and Amber Valetta round out the main cast, but this is all Will. Hitch, as he is called, is a guy who can get any man to win over the girl of his dreams.  He knows all the mistakes that guys make when confronted by a beautiful woman, and by pointing them out and helping them avoid them, he can make the biggest geek look like the biggest stud.  His latest client, a pudgy junior tax accountant named Albert Brenneman (James) who is in love with the world's biggest socialite, Allegra Cole (Valetta).  Although Hitch is up to the challenge, his own romantic life is a disast...

2.5/4 Starring: Michael Ealy, Jerry Ferrara, Terrence J, Romany Malco, Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union, Meagan Good, Regina Hall, Taraji P. Henson, Steve Harvey Rated PG-13 for Sexual Content, Some Crude Humor, and Brief Drug Use "Think Like a Man," from the self-help book by stand-up comic Steve Harvey, is a standard order romantic comedy (studios, in their desperate love of "brand names," have further lowered the importance of screenwriters by adapting books into romantic comedies...see " Something Borrowed " for another example).  The problem here is that there are far too many characters, and for a self-help book, Harvey's book doesn't share anything particularly enlightening about the male or female sex. This is really a battle of the sexes: five guys (plus two token guys on the other side of the marriage hurdle for comic relief) versus five girls.  The guys are all best friends in a state of arrested development.  Dominic (Ealy) is a nice...

3/4 Starring: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Luke Evans, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, John Hurt Rated R for Sequences of Strong Bloody Violence, and a Scene of Sexuality For what it is, “Immortals” is good fun.  It’s not pretentious or deep by any means (the plot is paper thin and character development is zilch), but for those who crave uncensored brutality and a peek at Freida Pintos’ rear end, it’s worth a trip to the theater. Theseus (Cavill) is a young man living in a little Greek village about 5000 years ago.  He’s been built into a warrior by an old man (Hurt), who tells him that he will serve a purpose later on.  Meanwhile, war is on the horizon.  King Hyperion (Rourke) is on the warpath.  He intends to find the Epirus Bow, a legendary weapon forged by the gods.  With that, he can release the Titans, the vanquished enemies of the gods, and destroy the deities who stood by while his wife and child died.  Now it’s up to Theseus to ...

3.5/4 Starring: John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet, John Hawkes, Alfred Molina, Clea DuVall, John C. McGinley, William Lee Scott, Gary Busey, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Rebecca DeMornay Rated R for Strong Violence and Language The thing that makes "whodunits" easier to pull off in writing than on film is that words take more time to read than images.  It takes longer to read about what is happening than to see it.  There is a wider range in which to stretch the truth (which is crucial in a "whodunit") than in a movie.  "Identity" proves that it is possible to create a superior whodunit when you have a smart script and a talented director. Eleven people arrive at an out of the way motel during a terrible storm.  The roads are blocked either way and they're all trapped.  They're a varied bunch.  A man named Ed (Cusack) driving a past-her-prime actress named Caroline Suzanne (DeMornay) to Los Angeles.  A family of three, George (McGinley), Alice (...

3/4 Starring: Eva Green, Juno Temple, Imogen Poots, Maria Valverde Rated R for Some Sexuality, Nudity, and a Disturbing Attack Let me state upfront that this is not for the average filmgoer.  It is too slow-moving and subtle for those raised on Michael Bay's films to appreciate.  There's no plot, a lot of beautiful images and and talking.  That being said, I'm giving a recommendation because I liked it, and giving it less than because most people won't like it is incredibly dishonest. "Cracks" is the debut feature of Jordan Scott, the daughter of Ridley Scott and niece of his brother, Tony (both serve as executive producers).  It's a stunning debut, and unlike anything that either of her relatives have done.  This is an arthouse film through and through. Scott tells the story of a diving team at an exclusive boarding school in 1930's England.  Stuck-up Di (Temple) is the team captain.  The team is coached by the earthy and charismatic Miss G ...

4/4 Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Joe Pantoliano Rated R for Sci-Fi Violence and Brief Language Science fiction and philosophy are perhaps two peas in a pod.  When telling a story that takes place in the future, it opens the door to new inventions, and with each radical invention that we use in our daily life, it makes us ask questions about ourselves and how we fit into this huge world of ours.  In " Minority Report ," we were asked to ponder the difference between free will and pre-destination, and also the ethical implications of each.  In " I, Robot ," we were asked to think about what it means to be human, and where the line between a living creature and a thinking machine is drawn.  In "The Matrix" (which, by the way, came before both of those films), we begin to question our own reality. Thomas Anderson (Reeves) is an office drone by day and a computer hacker named "Neo" by night.  For ...

1.5/4 Starring: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Ulrich Thomsen, Armin Mueller-Stahl Rated R for Some Sequences of Violence and Language Boy, the hipsters are going to love this.  A conspiracy thriller about a world bank causing wars for their own gain...that's gotta be right up their alley.  They may be the only ones who like it (although it is "...mainstream"), however.  This is an incredibly lame thriller with no characters, very little action and a plot that doesn't make much sense. Ever since "Run Lola Run" made a smash in the arthouses, everyone wondered when Tom Tykwer was going to make an action movie.  His kinetic visual style, fast pace and sure hand for creating adrenaline made him a possible new wunderboy for action movies.  But Tykwer never went down this road.  He made "The Princess and The Warrior" with his "Lola" star, Franka Potente, the first film in Krzysztof Kieslowski's unfilmed trilogy (Heaven, Hell and Purgatory...

3.5/4 Starring: Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, Anthony Heald, Ted Levine, Brooke Smith, Kasi Lemmons Rated R for Strong Grisly Violent Content including Disturbing Images and Torture, Some Strong Violence, Sexual Content and Language including Sexual References The term "psychological thriller" is used to describe films that rely on plot and character rather than explosions and gunfights to get the adrenaline up.  This was Hitchcock's playground, and other entries include " Match Point ," " The Net ," and " The Ninth Gate ."  But that's really a catch-all term for cerebral thrillers.  "The Silence of the Lambs" is a true  psychological thriller; the suspense comes not from the plot, but from the mind games that the two lead characters play. FBI trainee Clarice Starling (Foster) is sent on a fairly routine mission.  She must get a brilliant psychopath, Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lector (Hopkins) to...

3/4 Starring: Mo'Nique, Kendra C. Johnson, Jimmy Jean-Louis, Joyful Drake, Note: the version being reviewed is the Extended Edition.  For the record, the theatrical cut is rated PG-13 for Sexual Content and Language, including Some Sexual References Confidence is sexy.  Although many guys drool over the likes of Gisele Bundchen, Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie, chances are that they wouldn't stick around for long if these gorgeous women turned out to be neurotic disasters.  It's the same reason why people like Queen Latifah and Mo'Nique.  Both are big women, but they carry themselves with confidence.  They know exactly who they are and are happy with it. That's Jazmin Biltmore's (Mo'Nique) problem.  She's been a big girl all her life, but she lives in a world where being thin is everything.  Models, customers, the people at the club...they're all thin.  No wonder Jazmin and her girlfriend Stacey (Johnson) are depressed.  Luck strikes ...

2.5/4 Starring: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds, Leslie Mann, Olivia Wilde, Alan Arkin Rated R for Pervasive Strong Crude Sexual Content and Language, Some Graphic Nudity and Drug Use I approached this movie with trepidation.  It got mediocre reviews and it stars Jason Bateman, a funny actor who does the exact same schtick in every movie he does, and it has long since become annoying.  At the start of the movie, I was regretting my decision to watch it, but being the film critic that I am, I soldiered on and what do you know?  I kind of liked it.  It's too flawed to recommend it outright, but it's not as bad as it seems to be at first. Dave Lockwood (Bateman) and Mitch Planko (Reynolds) have been life-long best friends.  Their lives have taken them in different directions however.  Dave is a hotshot lawyer about to make partner, and Mitch is a layabout wannabe actor.  One night while getting drunk, they both say that they want each others' lives. ...

3.5/4 Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Bradley Whitford, Richard Jenkins Rated R for Strong Bloody Horror Violence and Gore, Language, and Some Sexuality/Nudity How does one begin to review "The Cabin in the Woods?"  For one thing, it defies description.  The film is so unusual that it was a challenge to market.  All things considered, it turned out well.  The trailer promised something weird, and the movie delivers.  Believe me, the trailer gives away  nothing.   Second of all, it's impossible to describe what makes this movie so great without giving anything away.  This movie is best if you know nothing about it. I'm going to be as vague as I can.  Five friends are going on a little excursion to a cabin in the woods (ha ha).  Weird things start happening almost as soon as they are out the door.  The gas station attendant is creepy and hostile, there's a mysterious two-way mirr...

4/4 Starring (voices): Daveigh Chase, Jason Marsden, Suzanne Pleshette, Susan Egan, David Ogden Stiers Rated PG for Some Scary Moments I love this movie.  I love it with all my heart.  "Spirited Away," written and directed by master storyteller Hayao Miyazaki, is a true masterpiece.  Not only is it the finest animated film ever made, it is one of the best films ever made period .  It deserves a place alongside "The Godfather," " Schindler's List ," and " Casablanca ."  Visually dazzling, emotionally complex and splendidly told, this is truly a movie for all to enjoy. Chihiro (Chase) is a whiny brat who is upset that she's having to move to the middle of nowhere with her parents (voiced by Lauren Holly and Michael Chiklis).  On the way there, they get sidetracked and end up in an abandoned theme park...or so they think.  Chihiro's parents begin to chow down on delicious food (that they'll pay for later), but they end up tur...

3.5/4 Starring: George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Ice Cube, Spike Jonze, Cliff Curtis Rated R for Graphic War Violence, Language and Some Sexuality "Are we shooting?"--Troy Barlow That's the first line of the film.  If that quote, in the context of a war movie, makes you laugh, then this is a movie for you.  Actually, David O. Russell's "Three Kings" is more a political satire than something like "Saving Private Ryan" or "The Hurt Locker."  It's twisted, bizarre and occasionally hilarious. The Gulf War has just ended.  The troops are celebrating when one day a man is arrested with a map sticking out of his rear end.  Three soldiers, average guy Troy Barlow (Wahlberg), the rule abiding Elgin (Cube) and high school dropout Conrad (Jonze) realize that the map leads to bunkers where Saddam Hussein is stashing the gold that he stole from the Kuwaiti sheikhs.  Along with Major Archie Gates (Clooney), who stumbles in on their plans, t...

2/4 Starring: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Vincent Regan, Joseph Gilgun, Peter Stormare, Lennie James Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Violence and Action, and Language including Some Sexual References "Lockdown" is a sci-fi version of "Air Force One."  It's got a lone good guy going up against an airborne vessel full of gun-toting psychopaths.  That's not such a bad thing; the premise is dynamite and if you're going to borrow, you might as well borrow from the best.  The problem is that it's a wussified, dumbed down copy.  There's no tension or excitement to speak of, and because the film borrows (in this case, it's outright theft) from the superior Wolfgang Peterson thrill-ride, it makes this seem lamer than it actually is. 2079.  The United States has created a maximum-security prison orbiting the Earth.  The President's daughter, Emilie (Grace) is on a goodwill mission to make sure that the technology used to induce "sta...

2.5/4 Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Maya Zapata, Martin Sheen, Antonio Banderas, Sonia Braga Rated R for Violence including a Brutal Rape, Sexuality, Nudity and Language "Bordertown" is one of those movies that fails to find a balance between a message movie and crowd pleasing entertainment.  This is a social issue drama about a topic that needs to be told, but the need to appease those who love action and cheap thrills, it includes unnecessary elements like an out-of-place romance and shocks that belong in a slasher movie. In 1994, the United States Government signed the North American Trade Agreement with Mexico, allowing products for Americans to be made cheaply just across the border in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.  This allowed the expansion of maquiladoras (sweatshops), and an influx of women looking for work.  It also lead to an increase in violence against women.  Estimated death toll is 370+ since 1993 (the film however claims its more than 5000).  A repo...

3/4 Starring: Kevin Bacon, Kathryn Erbe, Zachary David Cope, Illeana Douglas Rated R for Violence, Sexuality and Language ESP.  Murder.  Buried Secrets.  Supernatural.  These elements sound like something straight out of the mind of Stephen King, but actually "Stir of Echoes" is based on the novel by the great Richard Matheson.  Still, those who are looking for an intriguing story and some solid spookiness will find it here. Tom Witzky (Bacon) is your average blue collar guy living in Chicago.  He's got a wife, Maggie (Erbe), a five year old son Jake (Cope) and another baby on the way.  One night at a party, Tom gets hypnotized by his new age sister-in-law, Lisa (Douglas).  Something goes wrong and Tom starts going haywire (echoes of another Kevin Bacon movie, " Hollow Man ," but this one is a lot better).  He's seeing ghosts, can sense things before they happen and is constantly thirsty for orange juice.  Maggie is constantly sc...

1/4 Starring: Holly Fields, Andrew Divoff, Paul Johansson, Oleg Vidov Rated R for Horror Violence and Gore, Strong Language and Some Sexuality The only reason I watched "Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies" is because it came on a double disk with the original, not because the first was any good.  While that on had its share of cheap laughs, this sequel is a waste of time.  It's deadly boring, and it completely disregards the first one. Morgana (Fields) is stealing some artwork from a gallery with a few of her friends, including Eric (Chris Weber).  The robbery is botched, and the others (including Eric and two security guards) are murdered.  But during the shootout, the statue of Ahura Mazda from the first film is damaged and the fire opal falls out.  The Djinn has retaken the human form of Nathaniel Demerest (Divoff) and turned himself in to the police.  He claims sole credit for the robbery and the murders.  But there's a method to this madness: h...

2/4 Starring: Tammy Lauren, Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund, Wendy Benson Rated R for Horror Violence and Gore, and for Language As a horror movie, Robert Kurtzman's "Wishmaster" is a failure.  It's not the least bit scary, and only two of the  shocks are actually effective (and even they aren't very good).  But as a piece of camp, it's not half bad.  The special effects are suitably cheesy, the acting can charitably be called lousy, there are gobs of gore and no one has any brain cells to speak of.  There are quite a few giggle inducing moments in this movie. In the time before time (haha), the djinn were created.  Capable of unimaginable evil, the djinn were held hostage by the need to grant wishes.  Of course, whoever wishes a wish gets a nasty interpretation of it.  One such djinn (Divoff) is held hostage in a nearly flawless fire opal, and is accidentally released by a woman named Alex Amberson (Lauren).  Now, this djinn is free to...