Mike's Movie Tips

3.5/4 Starring: Mark Wahlberg, the voice of Seth MacFarlane, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi Rated R for Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and Some Drug Use I am a huge "Family Guy" fan.  It's streaming on NetFlix, and I watch episodes of the animated comedy over and over again.  The writing is strong, the voice acting is excellent and the humor is frequently hilarious.  So when it was announced that creator Seth MacFarlane was coming out with a live action film, I was excited.  It was worth the wait.  "Ted" is hysterical. Young John Bennett (Bretton Manley) is a lonely kid living in Boston.  He has no friends and his parents don't take him seriously.  One Christmas he gets a large teddy bear that he names, of all things, Ted.  One night, he makes a wish that Ted would come to life.  He makes his wish on the night when a shooting star passes, and what do you know?  Ted does come to life. Trouble starts when Ted grows u

1/4 Starring: Tyler Perry, Eugene Levy, Denise Richards, Romeo, Doris Roberts, Danielle Campbell, Devan Leos Rated PG-13 for Some Crude Sexual Remarks and Brief Drug References Apologies to Larry the Cable Guy, but Tyler Perry's new movie should be called "Witless Protection."  Apart from two or three funny scenes, this movie is a trial.  It's tedious, badly acted and rushed.  Like Wes Anderson, Tyler Perry is hugely popular, but I guess I'm not a member of his audience either. George Needleman (Levy) is living the high life.  He's very wealthy, just got a huge sudden promotion and has a beautiful wife, Kate (Richards).  Unfortunately, his company is a Ponzi scheme, and the reason why he was suddenly promoted to CFO is because he's a doormat and intended to be the fall guy.  The company laundered money for the mob, and George has to go with his family into Witness Protection.  Because the mob knows the government's Witness Protection hideouts,

0.5/4 Starring: Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Bob Balaban, Harvey Keitel, Jason Schwartzman Rated PG-13 for Sexual Content and Smoking "Moonrise Kingdom" is one of those movies that while watching it, you realize that staring at a blank wall would be more interesting whatever is going on in the movie.  At least then you'd have your imagination to explore with.  And chances are it's going to be a lot more entertaining than what's going on in "Moonrise Kingdom."  And less irritating (the title is wrong for this movie too). Two misfit kids, Sam (Gilman) and Suzy (Hayward), run away together on a small island to live out their lives in peace and harmony.  They grew to love each other through a chance meeting and love letters.  Naturally, the townspeople, which include Sam's scout master, Ward (Norton), the local (and probably only) cop, Captain Sharp (Willis) and Su

4/4 Starring (voices): Kelly Macdonald, Emma Thompson, Billy Connelly, Julie Walters, Robbie Coltrane, Kevin McKidd, Craig Ferguson Rated PG for Some Scary Action and Rude Humor Since 1995, the release date of the new Pixar movie has become a date to circle on the calendar.  "Toy Story," "Monster's Inc," "Finding Nemo," "The Incredibles," "Up," "Wall-E"... those are just a few of the many titles that are not only excellent family entertainment, but excellent entertainment for everyone.  Pixar's newest entry, "Brave," is in the upper echelon of Pixar releases, and considering its fellows, that's high praise. Merida (Macdonald) is a princess living in ancient Scotland.  Her life is being dictated by her mother Elinor (Thompson); she's being groomed for marriage, where the oldest sons of the leaders from the rival clans will compete for her hand in marriage.  But Merida's heart lies no

4/4 Starring: Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, David Prowse, Alec Guinness, and the voice of James Earl Jones Rated PG for Sci-Fi Action Violence The fifth installment (or chronologically speaking in terms of release dates, the second) of George Lucas's beloved "Star Wars" saga is "The Empire Strikes Back."  It is also the most beloved and considered the best film in the series.  I don't know if I'd go that far (for me, Episode III packs a bigger punch), but it is an amazing movie.  It continues the grand saga that Lucas had begun to reveal and provides more depth and complexity to the characters that Lucas had introduced audiences to three years beforehand.  Despite the fact that Lucas neither wrote nor directed this installment. The destruction of the Death Star by the Rebel Alliance was a huge hit to the Empire, but by no means was that a finishing blow.  The Empire regrouped

4/4 Starring: Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Alec Guinness, Peter Cushing, Peter Mayhew, Kenny Baker, Anthony Daniels and the voice of James Earl Jones Rated PG for Sci-Fi Violence and Brief Mild Language "Star Wars," or more appropriately, "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope," is the definition of a phenomenon.  It was also, surprisingly, a sleeper hit.  No one had any confidence in it.  Most theaters had to be threatened with the loss of "The Other Side of Midnight," which was predicted to be a blockbuster, if they didn't show "Star Wars" ("The Other Side of Midnight" ended up being a major flop).  But George Lucas's space opera defied all expectations and cemented a place in the hearts and minds of filmgoers for all time. I'm sure that everyone knows the story, but for those of you who haven't seen it in a while (or seen the hilarious "Family Guy" spoof), here's a refresher.

To be perfectly honest, I'm writing this Mike's Musings because this new keyboard is so cool, and I want to keep using it.  That being said, hopefully you faithful readers (the ten of you that exist) will bear with me. Many movies contain messages.  Anti-drug movies are, well, warnings against drug use.  "Schindler's List" was about the importance of one man's act that saved the lives of thousands.  " Bordertown " was about sleazy practices by big business and politicians leads to the rape and murder of many women in Mexico.  But you couldn't find two more different movies in terms of quality than Gregory Nava's film and Spielberg's masterpiece (a review of which should be coming soon). The key is to use real characters and an engaging story to tell it.  We cared more about Oskar Schindler and Itszhak Stern and understood Amon Goeth.  We were invested in their fates and those of the other characters.  The same descriptors did not appl

2/4 Starring: Andy Garcia, Meg Ryan, Tina Majorino, Mae Whitman, Lauren Tom Rated R for Language Alcoholism is a pervasive disease.  Under the right circumstances, it can strike anyone.  There is no cure, only treatment.  Millions of people have it.  Actor Chris Klein.  The late actor Chris Farley.  Actor Joaquin Phoenix.  Actor Ben Affleck.  Actress Eileen Brennan.  And, the character Alice Green. Alice (Ryan) and Michael Green (Garcia) are a loving couple living in San Francisco.  They have two beautiful daughters: Jess (Majorino) and Casey (Whitman).  Alice is a lively and vivacious school counselor who likes to party while Michael is an airline pilot, a job that keeps him away from his family for days at a time.  But Alice isn't just a hard partier; she's an alcoholic.  Michael is aware of his wife's tendency to drink too much, but not fully aware of how bad her drinking problem is.  It isn't until she tries to cure a hangover with aspirin and vodka and pass

3/4 Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Marton Csokas, Jimmi Simpson Rated R for Violence Throughout and Brief Sexuality With a title like this, you already have some idea of what to expect.  One of our nation's best and most beloved presidents swinging an ax (with the blade coated in silver) and brutally dispatching bloodsuckers.  How cool is that? Young Abraham Lincoln (Lux Haney-Jardine) witnesses a brutal man viciously whipping a young black boy named Will (Curtis Harris).  Despite the warnings of his father, Abe stops the man, named Barts (Csokas) and ends up getting beat himself.  His father steps in and the whole thing ends up with a minor scuffle.  Barts wants revenge, and ends up sucking the blood of Abe's mother that night.  Vowing revenge, Abe waits until his father has died, and then goes after Barts.  It's a failure, because Abe (now played by Walker) doesn't know how to kill vampires.  In steps Henry

3/4 Starring (voices): Mitchel Musso, Sam Lerner, Spencer Locke, Steve Buscemi, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Lee, Kevin James Rated PG for Scary Images and Sequences, Thematic Elements, Some Crude Humor and Brief Language If Steven Spielberg transformed Stephen King's horror classic "IT" into a family movie, it might look something like this.  It's understandable, since he (along with Robert Zemeckis) is credited as an executive producer.  "Monster House" pays attention to what it's like being on the cusp of puberty; trick-or-treating is getting old and so is having to be babysat, and the hormones are just starting to get active. DJ (Musso) is a young kid who is convinced that there's something strange going on across the street.  Mean old Mr. Nebbercracker (Buscemi) is extremely territorial, and any toy that ends up on his lawn is as good as gone.  This is the fate of his friend Chowder's (Lerner) new basketball.  It ends up on Nebbercracker

1/4 Starring: Diego Boneta, Julianne Hough, Tom Cruise, Paul Giamatti, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Ackerman Rated PG-13 for Sexual Content, Suggestive Dancing, Some Heavy Drinking and Language "Rock of Ages" was a smash hit Broadway musical, and that doesn't surprise me.  It's essentially a rock concert with some dialogue and drama filled in.  And as anyone who has been to a live rock concert can tell you, the energy of being in front of a live band is intense and infectious.  But translating this feeling to film is next to impossible, so to compensate, the filmmakers have to open up the setting to make it a different experience.  Choreographer-turned- director Adam Shankman doesn't do this, and the result is an overlong bore. Sherrie (Hough) is a small-town girl from Oklahoma looking to make it big in Los Angeles.  Right off the bat, she gets a job at a concert hall called the Bourbon Room, where the legendary

2/4 Starring: Denise Richards, Marley Shelton, David Boreanaz, Jessica Capshaw, Jessica Cauffiel, Daniel Cosgrove, Katherine Heigl, Johnny Whitworth, Adam Harrington, Claude Duhamel Rated R for Strong Horror Violence, Some Sexuality and Language For whatever reason, horror movies have a tendency to revolve around holidays.  "Halloween" has dozens, most famously John Carpenter's classic.  Christmas has the notorious "Silent Night, Deadly Night."  April Fool's Day has one (and it's not a comedy apparently), too.  New Year's Day ("Terror Train" starring Jamie Lee Curtis), Mother's Day ("Mother's Day").  Even the Fourth of July has one ("Uncle Sam").  So I suppose it's only fair that Valentine's Day has one.  Well, another one, at least, since it already has the infamous "My Bloody Valentine" and it's 3D remake . The reason for this, I think, is because it allows for more creative and ir

0.5/4 Starring: Maurice Dean Wint, David Hewlitt, Nicole de Boer, Nicky Guadagni, Andrew Miller, Julian Richings, Wayne Robson Rated R for Some Strong Sci-Fi Violence/Gore and Language For reasons that escape my understanding of human intelligence, "Cube" has become a cult hit.  Even the director, Vincenzo Natali, got a shot at the mainstream (he directed the little seen "Splice") because of this movie.  Either I missed something, or the world's viewing of film has become completely warped since 1997. The bottom line is that this movie is crap.  Apart from a few mildly suspenseful moments and some creative kills, this movie is completely without merit.  The acting is uniformly terrible, the dialogue is banal, the characters are generally imbeciles who occasionally have astonishing and inexplicable leaps of intelligence, and there are scenes missing everywhere.  It's also entirely pointless. Seven people find themselves trapped inside a series of cu

3.5/4 Starring: Kurt Russell, William Baldwin, Robert DeNiro, Donald Sutherland, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Scott Glenn, Rebecca DeMornay Rated R for Language and a Scene of Sensuality Of all the government social services jobs (police, paramedics and firefighters), firefighting is arguably the least covered in movies.  Although the potential for special effects is limitless, the plots aren’t: Man aims hose, man pours water on fire, fire gone.  So here we have “Backdraft,” a firefighting movie that succeeds because it takes as much time to develop the characters as it does the special effects (which are pretty cool). The McCaffrey brothers, Stephen (Russell) and Brian (Baldwin) have a tempestuous relationship.  Even though their father Dennis (Russell again) was killed in a fire (witnessed by Brian), Stephen has taken up the job.  Brian attempted, but washed out in firefighting school.  After floating around for six years, changing jobs like clockwork, he’s trying firefigh

3.5/4 Starring: Brandon Lee, Rochelle Davis, Ernie Hudson, Michael Wincott Rated R for A Great Amount of Strong Violence and Language, and for Drug Use and Some Sexuality Revenge movies serve one purpose: to vicariously enjoy seeing the hero dish out a super cold dish of revenge.  "The Crow" is a superior revenge movie; a dark and hellish adrenaline rush that is surprisingly touching.  And not just because star Brandon Lee died tragically during the shoot. Rock star Eric Draven (Lee) is a very happy man.  He's about to marry his one true love, Shelly Webster (Sofia Shinas).  Sadly, the night before they walk down the aisle, they are attacked in their loft and brutally murdered by a gang of vicious thugs.  One year later, a crow brings Eric out of his eternal slumber to get revenge on those who put him in the ground. This is one seriously bleak movie.  The film takes place almost exclusively at night and in the rain, and the majority of the characters are bloodth

3.5/4 Starring: Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Skerritt, James Woods, John Hurt, Angela Bassett, David Morse, Jena Malone Rated PG for Some Intense Action, Mild Language and a Scene of Sensuality Ever since we have become self-aware, man has pondered his place in the universe.  Some look to science, others look to God (and a great amount of people look to both).  Robert Zemeckis' sci-fi film is about this question.  Where do we draw the line between science and faith? Ellie Arroway (Foster) has been interested in the stars all her life.  It is something that she shared as a young girl (Malone) with her father (Morse).  As a professional astronomer, she continues to search for sentient life beyond our planet.  Shortly before her funding dries up, she finds a signal from the planet Vega.  Now the world becomes divided.  Some, like Palmer Joss (McConaughey) think it's a sign from God, while others, like Ellie, think that there is a scientific explanation. There i

4/4 Starring: Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore, Diane Venora, Amy Brenneman, Ashley Judd, Jon Voight, William Fichtner, Natalie Portman Rated R for Violence and Language Pacino.  DeNiro.  Few actors are as skilled and consistent.  Once these two performers came into the spotlight, it was perhaps inevitable that they would star in a movie together.  Actually, they did star in a movie together before this one ("The Godfather Part II"), but due to the dual timelines, they shared no scenes together.  In 1995, Michael Mann revamped his 1989 TV movie, "L.A. Takedown," into an epic crime saga.  Unlike many movies that bring stars together (such as "The Bucket List"), this one befits the legends it stars. The premise is fairly simple: Vincent Hanna (Pacino) is a major crimes detective pursuing a group of professional thieves led by Neil McCauley (DeNiro).  But "Heat" is much more than a simple crime story.  It's an epic tape

1/4 Starring: Woody Harrelson, Sigourney Weaver, Ben Foster, Cynthia Nixon, Anne Heche, Ice Cube, Robin Wright, Ned Beatty Rated R for Pervasive Language, Sexual Content and Some Violence Dozens of movies have been about corrupt cops, drug addicts, racists and bigots, and every kind of misanthrope you can think of.  LAPD officer Dan Brown is all of these, and he deserves a better movie than this.  "Rampart," from Oren Moverman, who co-wrote and directed the heartbreaking casualty notification service drama " The Messenger ," is a boring, cliched, and pretentious drama about a misanthrope.  Like we haven't seen that before. The film takes place in Los Angeles in 1999.  The Rampart scandal is in full swing, and Officer Dan Brown (Harrelson) is about to enter a storm of controversy of his own.  When his squad car is rammed by a Latino driver, he chases after the guy and nearly beats him to death.  The public is out for blood, his lawyer (Weaver) is fed up w

3/4 Starring: Randy Wayne, John Schneider, Rosanna Arquette, Sean Michael Afable Rated PG-13 for Mature Thematic Content, and Teen Drug and Alcohol Content I've never seen a Christian film, and for all the pontificating that the Bible Thumpers do, I was wary of seeing one.  I've been told that they're shallow and preachy so I approached "Hardflip" with trepidation.  I admit that I was waiting for it to screw up, but to my surprise, it never did.  It's no masterpiece, but it does work. The film is about three people who are broken in their own ways.  Caleb (Wayne) is a young skateboarder whose father has never been in the picture and has no friends.  His mother Bethany (Arquette) has a drinking problem and is about to lose the house.  And Caleb's real father, Jack (Schneider) is a businessman whose pursuit of success has left him without true wealth. To be honest, I wouldn't have thought this to be a Christian film unless I had known otherwise

2.5/4 Starring: Brandon Routh, Gil Birmingham, Chelsea Ricketts, Crystal Allen, Tom Kemp Rated PG-13 for Some Suggestive References Underdog sports movies are like romantic comedies: the formula doesn't change, but as long as you have an interesting story and likable characters, the movie will usually turn out just fine.  "Crooked Arrows" follows the formula pretty well, but its lead actor is boring and the theme of his spiritual rebirth is inelegantly woven in. Joe Logan (Routh) is a half-Sunaquot young man who is working for a casino.  The casino's owner, a man named Geyer (Kemp) wants to expand further into Sunaquot land has tasked Joe to convince his tribal council to allow it.  His father Ben (Birmingham) is against it, but the council agrees with the condition that he take a spiritual awakening.  That means coaching the local lacrosse team since the Sunaquot invented the sport to please their gods.  But the team is a ragtag group of players who lack any

3.5/4 Starring: Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, Martin Landau Not Rated (contains Some Violence and Sexual Material, although it's not really inappropriate for anyone) Alfred Hitchcock was known as the Master of Suspense, and this is why.  With an intriguing premise and an unpredictable storyline, "North by Northwest" is one of Hitch's best films. Roger Thornhill (Grant) is a high powered ad executive.  He's always on the go, but is called away from a business meeting by a mysterious man.  Confusion takes a darker turn when the man and his partner put a gun to his ribs and take him to an out of the way house.  A mysterious man named Philip Vandamm (Mason) wants information from Roger, but Vandamm is convinced that this man is named George Kaplan.  Needless to say, Roger is confused (not to mention irritated) and wants to leave, but Vandamm and his creepy assistant Leonard (Landau) aren't convinced.  Roger is then pulled into a large conspirac

3/4 Starring: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Sam Claflin, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Violence and Action and Brief Sensuality Due to the mega-success of fantasy movies, a previously ignored genre due to lackluster film quality and audience reception, over the last decade with " The Lord of the Rings ," Harry Potter, and " Twilight ," Hollywood has made a huge push for summer fantasy movies.  Tarsem's Snow White tale, "Mirror Mirror," was released in March, and now we have Rupert Sanders's film debut, "Snow White and the Huntsman."  Although it's similar in some respects to Peter Jackson's epic saga (and no doubt Universal would love to have it see the same reception...), it's not as good.  But it comes closer than a lot of movies in the past few years. King Magnus (Noah Huntley) is a good king.  He rules justly and his kingdom is happy.  His wife gives birth to a

3/4 Starring: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross, Reba McEntire Rated PG-13 for Intense, Creature Violence/Gore,  and Language "Tremors" is the definition of a "cult" movie (I saw it at a midnight screening).  It contains all the elements: hilariously stupid characters, cheesy special effects and, well, not much else.  The film is fast paced once it gets going and enough of the humor works to make it worth seeing, but don't expect something great.  Watch it with friends and a few beers. Actually, that's how the public reacted to it when it was released in 1990.  The film failed to make much of an impression in theaters, but this was around the time when VHS was coming into being, and that's when the film really took off.  It ended up with a box office gross of $48.5 million; a great success coming off a budget of only $11 million (and this was 20 years ago). The film takes place in the small desert town of Perfection.  Only abou

2/4 Starring: Jason Behr, Mia Blake, Robbie Magasiva, David Pane, Nathaniel Lees Rated R for Violence, Disturbing Images, Language and Brief Sexuality "The Tattooist" is an intriguing mix of tattoos, ghost stories and buried secrets.  Kind of like a Samoan "Stir of Echoes."  The story, while a tad on the thin side, is reasonably involving, the special effects are inventive and visually dazzling.  So why am I not recommending this film?  Because the performance by the lead actor is the worst example of acting that I've ever seen. The lead role is played by Jason Behr, a TV actor best known for playing one of the leads on the cult TV show "Roswell," is stupendously bad as the tattooist who goes messing around in things that he shouldn't.  Behr is supposed to play a low-key everyman, which is more difficult than it sounds, but Behr speaks in an internalized monotone with a constant scowl and scrunched up face (and too much eye-liner).  Instead