Mike's Movie Tips

3.5/4 Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Gina Rodriguez, Kurt Russell, John Malkovich, Kate Hudson, Dylan O'Brien Rated PG-13 for Prolonged Intense Disaster Sequences and Related Disturbing Images "Deepwater Horizon" is a disaster movie, plain and simple.  It follows the established formula down to the T.  This isn't a criticism, simply a fact.  What makes it work is that Peter Berg is a gifted filmmaker and has generated strong performances from his cast.  Simply put, this movie works because it does exactly what it sets out to do. Mike Williams (Walhberg) is saying goodbye to his wife Felicia (Hudson) and daughter before he goes on his regular trip to work on the oil rig Deepwater Horizon.  Things are suspicious when he arrives; the team assigned to test the concrete on the drill site has left without doing anything, almost nothing works or is in need or repair, and there are two executives from BP trying to hurry progress.  The most trusted man on board, M...

2/4 Starring: Sandra Cassell, Lucy Grantham, David A. Hess, Fred Lincoln, Jeramie Rain, Marc Sheffler, Gaylord St. James, Cynthia Carr, Marshall Anker, Martin Kove The version being reviewed is unrated.  For the record, the theatrical cut is rated R (probably for Brutal Violence including Rape and Torture, Grisly Images, Drug Content and Language) "The Last House on the Left" is a brutal horror film that is a reimagining of a film by Ingmar Bergman.  I'm not kidding.  This is a new version of a movie from the guy who made "The Seventh Seal" (that movie where Max von Sydow plays a game of chess with Death himself...you'll know the famous image if you see it).  I haven't seen "The Virgin Spring" (or "The Seventh Seal"...actually, I haven't seen any of Bergman's films), but I'm willing to go out on a limb and call this a totally different movie.  It's hard to imagine anything in this movie getting past the Hays Code...

3.5/4 Starring: Masey McLain, Ben Davies, Cameron McKendry, Victoria Staley, David Errigo Jr., Cory Chapman Rated PG-13 for Thematic Material, Teen Drinking and Smoking, Disturbing Violent Content and Some Suggestive Situations When I first heard that they were making this movie, I was appalled.  Who could have the gall to turn one of this nation's darkest moments into a Christian film?  Thoughts of the Columbine massacre getting the " God's Not Dead " treatment floated through my head.  I saw this movie to see if it was as bad as I thought it would be.  Perhaps even hoping, to get back at that wretched movie and its slightly less awful sequel .  So I ventured into the theater primed for a train wreck and expecting to be offended and preached to.  Fortunately, that was not the case. "I'm Not Ashamed" is actually a very good film, at times even great.  The acting is strong, the writing is realistic and the filmmakers are unafraid of venturing in...

2.5/4 Starring: Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Jason Statham, Clea DuVall, Pam Grier, Joanna Cassidy, Richard Cetrone, Rosemary Forsyth, Liam Waite Rated R for Strong Violence/Gore, Language and Some Drug Content I could essentially say the same thing about "Ghosts of Mars" that I said about " Vampires: Los Muertos " a few days ago: not awful, but not very good either.  Interestingly, John Carpenter is involved in both films.  He directed the predecessor of that vampire flick (and served as executive producer on it) and directed this flick.  Carpenter will forever be known for " Halloween ," "The Thing" and nothing else.  Efforts like these explain why he's really more of a one-trick pony than a truly gifted filmmaker. In 2176, Mars is in the process of being terraformed by mankind.  Five cops, tough-as-nails Melanie Ballard (Henstridge), equally tough lesbian commander Helena Braddock, pervy transfer Jericho Butler (Statham) and rooki...

1.5/4 Starring: Tyler Perry, Cassi Davis, Diamond White, Liza Koshy, Yousef Erakat Rated PG-13 for Drug Use and References, Suggestive Content, Language, Some Horror Images and Thematic Material I don't get Madea.  The concept of a politically-incorrect, trash talking granny is funny, but the reality is more annoying than amusing.  Yet, her movies continue to bring in big bucks, which has made Tyler Perry a wealthy man.  Clearly his movies strike a chord with his target audience, which I guess doesn't include me. Brian (Perry) has a problem.  His daughter Tiffany (White) has been invited to a Halloween party hosted by a local fraternity.  Naturally, being that she's 17, Brian doesn't want her to go, but try telling any 17 year old to do anything.  Making matters worse is that he has to leave for the weekend on business, and isn't buying the innocent act from Tiffany and her friend Aday (Koshy).  So he asks his aunt Madea (Perry) to come over to...

2.5/4 Starring: Jon Bon Jovi, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Cristian de la Fuente, Diego Luna, Arly Jover, Darius McCrary Rated R for Vampire Violence, Language and Brief Sexuality I wasn't the biggest fan of " John Carpenter's Vampires ."  I found it dull and trite rather than hip, scary or funny.  Not even the scenery-chewing and a considerable amount of gore could save it from being an unending bore.  A tongue-in-cheek review soothed the pain, but it was still a waste of time.  I watched the sequel simply because the poster was cool and the film was cheap on Amazon.  Although it's a better movie, the bar is low enough that that's not much of a compliment. Professional vampire slayer Derek Bliss (Bon Jovi) has just been tasked with assembling a group of slayers to take down a master vampire.  But every possible slayer that he can find is turning up dead, so he has to find other possibilities.  Eventually, the hard-bitten assassin links up with an e...

1.5/4 Starring: Ben Affleck, Anna Kendrick, Cynthia Addai-Robinson, J.K. Simmons, Jon Bernthal, John Lithgow, Jeffrey Tambor Rated R for Strong Violence and Language Throughout Is it too much to ask that an action movie quicken the pulse rather than threaten me with catatonia?  I realize that dark, introspective action movies are all in vogue these days, but really.  This movie is the pits.  When it's not incoherent, you'll wish it was because of how ludicrous it actually is.  There are very few moments in the way too long 2 hour running time that I could believe. The premise, a high-functioning autistic man being a hired killer and accountant for the low lifes of the world, has promise.  But director Gavin O'Connor squanders any potential with this idea and plays it safe at every turn.  He has also cast an actor in the lead role who doesn't fit the part. Christian Wolff (Affleck) is one of the best accountants in the business.  His autism gi...

3/4 Starring: Bridget Moynihan, Carly Schroeder, Connor Dowds, Peter Weller Not Rated (probably R for Grisly Animal Attacks and Language) "Prey" is about being trapped in a small space with animals trying to break in and turn you into a meal.  That's essentially the plot.  Sure, there are other elements, such as the family member trying to find the hostages or the daughter who hates her new stepmom, but that's only to make the characters sympathetic.  One would think that would be limiting for a movie, but remember that this is a horror flick.  Anyone expecting something like a Merchant/Ivory movie should probably see an optometrist instead of this movie. Tom Newman (Weller) is the manager of a new hydroelectric plant (or something) in the middle of Africa.  He's brought his new bride, Amy (Moynihan) and his two children Jessica (Schroeder) and David (Dowds) along for the ride.  While he's at work, Amy and the kids take an African safari to look at ...

3/4 Starring: Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Robert Prosky, Harry Dean Stanton, Christine Belford, Robert Darnell, William Ostrander Rated R (probably for Horror Violence and Language including Sexual Dialogue) One of the most important days for a teenager is when he gets his first car.  It's a sign of maturity, freedom and status.  I remember when I got my driver's license.  I was really happy because I could be like all the cool kids who had his own car (I had to share mine, for a time, with my brother, but never mind).  "Christine" takes this understanding and twists it into something genuinely horrifying. Arnie Cunningham (Gordon) is the school's dork.  He's shy, awkward, has no success with girls (probably because his parents are doing their best to keep him from growing up).  He has only one friend, the hunky football hero Dennis Guilder (Stockwell).  One day after getting humiliated by Buddy Repperton (Ostrander) and his c...

1.5/4 Starring: Scott Grimes, Billy Green Bush, Dee Wallace, M. Emmett Walsh, Nadine Van Der Velde, Don Opper, Terrence Mann, Billy Zane Rated PG-13 (probably for Violence/Gore, Some Sexuality and Language) For a horror/comedy, "Critters" is neither scary nor funny.  It makes attempts at both, but apart from a few mild chuckles, it fails in both categories.  The acting is almost uniformly awful, the plot resorts to clichés regardless of how inappropriately they fit in, and the special effects get cheesier the more we see them.  So for all that, is the movie worth seeing?  That would be a no. A group of aliens, known as Crites, have escaped a prison asteroid and are headed to Earth.  Sent to destroy them are a pair of shape-shifting aliens.  They land in the yard of the Brown family, who are simple farmers.  Dad Jay (Bush) acts about four decades behind the times, but this makes him seem less like "The Waltons" and more like "Moral Orel."  ...

3.5/4 Starring: Griffin Gluck, Andy Daly, Thomas Barbusca, Alexa Nisenson, Lauren Graham, Rob Riggle, Retta, Adam Pally Rated PG for Rude Humor Throughout, Language and Thematic Elements Ugh.  Middle school.  The time when bodies change, hormones kick in, school becomes more competitive, parents begin to think they can walk over everyone to get their kid into an Ivy League school and so on.  It's one thing that pretty much everyone can agree on: middle school sucks.  You're too old to be a kid yet too young to be an adult, and never ways that benefit you. "Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life" manages the tricky task of showing how horrible an experience it is while still making it into a feel-good comedy.  It tells the story of Rafe (Gluck), a kid with an appetite for pranks and mischief and an aptitude for drawing and imagination.  He's been kicked out of two middle schools and on the last one in the district.  He tries to make it work b...

1/4 Starring (voices): Andy Samberg, Katie Crown, Kelsey Grammar, Anton Starkman, Ty Burrell, Jennifer Aniston Rated PG for Mild Action and Some Thematic Elements Off the top of my head, I don't know where the legend of storks bringing families babies got started.  Wikipedia wasn't much help, and it doesn't have anything to do with the review so I'll just assume that the idea is a commonly known fantasy.  It is, however, the set-up for the most inane animated film in a recent while, bringing to mind " Norm of the North ."  I grudgingly admit that this is a marginally better movie. Storks, as our hero Junior (Samberg) tells us, have stopped delivering babies.  Now they deliver packages for a dotcom conglomerate led by Hunter (Grammar).  Apparently, one bird fell in love with a baby and wanted to keep her for himself, something went wrong and now no one knows where she belongs.  She's 18 now and since Tulip (Crown) is a liability to everyone...

3/4 Starring: Jim Sturgess, Ben Kingsley, Natalie Press, Kevin Zegers, Rose McGowan, Tom Collins Rated R for Strong Brutal Violence and Torture, Language and Some Sexuality There's something that has always fascinated me about The Troubles, the decades-long conflict between England and Ireland (that was the culmination of centuries of strife).  Perhaps it's because of my partly Irish heritage.  Or maybe it's because I have a fondness for bittersweet nostalgia that for some reason Ireland represents in my mind.  Or maybe it's because I appreciate movies with a strong cultural background. There have been plenty of movies that have used this conflict as the stage (" The Devil's Own " and " '71 " are two such examples, although 'The Crying Game" is probably the best known), but there has yet to be a "definitive" movie about The Troubles.  Perhaps one can't be made.  It was a war that was the culmination of nearly a ...

1.5/4 Starring: Asa Butterfield, Ella Purnell, Eva Green, Samuel L. Jackson, Terence Stamp, Chris O'Dowd Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Fantasy Action/Violence and Peril I saw this movie at my favorite theater, which is about twenty minutes away from my house.  On the way home, this movie kept slipping from my mind so fast that I was debating whether or not to write a review.  It's so empty of anything worth remembering that I can barely even describe the plot.  Oh, it's competently made (Tim Burton is incapable of making anything unwatchable), but who cares about the plot or anyone in it?  I didn't. Jake (Butterfield) has always been entertained by stories from his grandfather Abe (Stamp) about a home for children with strange powers.  His father (O'Dowd) is an unbeliever, but when Abe is murdered by a strange monster, he decides to find out for himself.  It turns out that the stories were true, and the children, led by Miss Peregrine (Green)...