Mike's Movie Tips

2016 sucked.  We can all agree on this.  From beloved celebrities dying to a particularly ugly presidential election, 2016 was an eye sore that we are all too excited to put behind us. From a Hollywood perspective, things weren't much better.  Ticket sales were the lowest they'd been in a hundred years.  Tentpole movies underperformed or in the case of the "Ben-Hur" remake, utterly bombed.  While there were some unexpected surprises, all in all my view of this year (in more ways than one) is the same as yours: it was horrible. Seeing as the new year starts on Sunday, I'm going to assume that I'm not going to see a movie made this year that's worse than any on this list.  I won't claim that it isn't possible, but just remember that these are really, really bad movies.  I hope none of you saw them. 10: Boo! A Madea Halloween .  Comedy is subjective.  When one person is laughing, the person next to him might be bored to tears.  It co...

3/4 Starring: Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling Rated PG-13 for Some Language With "La La Land," writer/director Damien Chazelle seeks to fuse the stylings of a musical that Gene Kelly would make to the modern age.  While the marriage isn't perfect, it's intriguing enough to be worth a look. Mia (Stone) is an aspiring actress.  Sebastian is an old soul who wants to open his own jazz club that plays "real" jazz, not the new pop hybrids.  Although their first encounters are anything but cordial, they form a bond and fall in love.  But each has their own dreams and desires, and they may not be compatible with each other.  Can their love for each other survive where their lives take them? For a musical, it is ironic that the weakest element of the film is the music.  Not only are the songs not especially memorable, many of them don't fit and should have been excised.  The film would have stood well enough on its own. Perhaps more importantly, is that to...

0.5/4 Starring: Denzel Washington, James Fox, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Mimi Rogers, Esther Rolle, Robert Townsend Rated R (probably for Violence, Some Language and Brief Drug Content) Sometimes, it's hard to understand why a movie didn't become a cultural milestone.  Take for example "Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse."  That was one of the funniest, most outrageous movies I've seen in a long time.  It bombed at the box office.  Other times, such as with "The Mighty Quinn," it's painfully obvious. "The Mighty Quinn" can be summed up in one common term: jack of all trades, master of none.  Like last year's overlooked gorefest, there's nothing that isn't in the movie.  But while the zombie movie was assembled with skill and wit, here, it's a mess.  And I mean, a complete mess. The plot?  I couldn't make heads or tails of it.  As far as I could tell, Washington plays Xavier Quinn, a Jamaican police detective sent to...

1/4 Starring: Tika Sumpter, Parker Sawyers Rated PG-13 for Brief Strong Language, Smoking, a Violent Image, and a Drug Reference There's a reason why I wait until December 31 to compile my Top and Bottom 10 lists.  It's when all the Oscar bait comes out, so it becomes a scramble to see it all before the deadline.  For example, I have yet to see "La La Land" (my family saw it yesterday, but I got no sleep on Christmas Eve), "Manchester By the Sea," "Fences," and "Moonlight."  I haven't seen "Assassin's Creed," "Moonlight," or "Why Him?" either, but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that they won't be on the former list.  The latter, I'm not so sure. It's not often that I see a movie expecting it's going to end up on my Top 10 list only to find out it will be associated with crap like "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising."  That isn't as big of an insult as you ...

2/4 Starring: Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Rod Steiger, Annette Benning, Martin Short, Pierce Brosnan, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Pam Grier, Jim Brown, Lucas Haas, Sylvia Sydney, Danny DeVito, Tom Jones, Christina Applegate, Jack Black Rated PG-13 for Sci-Fi Fantasy Violence and Brief Sexuality The cleverest moments in "Mars Attacks!" come in the montages.  That is not a good thing.  When it's a 106 minute movie and the best bits are straight out of "America's Funniest Home Videos" (with Martians), the movie is in trouble. "Mars Attacks!" is one long rip into 1950's sci-fi movies.  The kind that schlockmeisters like William Castle or Ed Wood would have made.  That those movies went well beyond self-parody is of no matter to the filmmakers, apparently.  But it's not just the cheesy b-movies that get skewered.  The US Government, the Army, scientists, new age philosophies, sleazy club promoters and rednecks all get theirs. ...

3.5/4 Starring: Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen, Laurence Fishburne Rated PG-13 for Sexuality, Nudity and Action/Peril Romantic on-screen chemistry requires two things: one, we like the characters, and two, we like them more when they're together.  It's not an easy thing to achieve, but when it happens, it all comes together.  Unlike this year's romantic dud " Allied ," there is chemistry between the two lovers (not the least of which is because we see them smile and laugh, something that almost never happened in the WWII drama that no one saw). The spaceship Avalon is making a 120-year voyage to Homestead II, where 5,000 people, plus the 200-odd crew will make their new home.  Jim Preston (Pratt) wakes up and gets acclimated to spend the next four months on the ship before getting off on his new planet.  He quickly realizes there is something very wrong: he's the only one there.  He woke up early.  90 years too early.  With...

3/4 Starring (voices): D.B. Sweeny, Alfre Woodard, Ossie Davis, Della Reese, Joan Plowright, Julianna Margulies, Max Casella, Hayden Panettiere, Samuel E. Wright Rated PG for Intense Images The main selling point of "Dinosaur," other than its subject, is spectacle.  While there is a plot, characters who talk and some action sequences, that's of secondary importance to the images that are on the screen.  The question is whether after sixteen years the visuals can still hold up against the likes of " Avatar " and " Jurassic World ."  The answer is not really, but it's good enough to warrant a watch if you're in the mood for some nostalgia.  Or want to keep the kids occupied for a while. Aladar (Sweeny) is an iguanodon who has been raised by lemurs.  While he was still in his egg, he got separated from his parents and ended up on an island and grew up under the care of Plio (Woodard) and Yar (Davis) and their two children, Zini (Casella) a...

3/4 Starring: Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Ben Mendelsohn, Donnie Yen, Riz Ahmed, Mads Mikkelson, Forrest Whittaker, and the voices of Alan Tudyk and James Earl Jones Rated PG-13 for Extended Sequences of Sci-Fi Violence and Action When George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney, they announced that they would release a new "Star Wars" film each year, alternating between the main storyline and stand-alone features.  The first installment was last year's " Episode VII ," which I liked better than many critics and audiences.  The newest one is a mid-qual named "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story," taking place immediately before the one that started it all. Galen Erso (Mikkelson) is preparing for the inevitable.  When it happens, his wife is murdered and he sends his daughter Jyn to be with a friend named Saw Gererra (Whitaker).  The reason for the violence is that the Empire desperately needs his help.  You see, Galen was tasked with creating the Death Star...

2.5/4 Starring: Michael Pare, Nancy Allen, Bobby Di Cicco, Eric Christmas Rated PG (probably for Action/Violence) "The Philadelphia Experiment" is a genre movie, and that's fine.  It's an adventure/romance with everything you'd expect and not much more.  It's effective, but it doesn't have anything to make it stand out.  There's nothing here that hasn't been done before in other, better movies.  Man, have I been writing a lot recently. According to conspiracy theorists, the Philadelphia Experiment was a top secret project done by the US Navy to try and render a ship, the USS Eldridge, invisible.  The whole thing was classified, and according to some accounts, it was abandoned after horrible side effects on the sailors, such as mental disorders and being fused to bulkheads.  Or turned inside out.  Naturally, the whole thing is considered a hoax, but that hasn't stopped Hollywood from turning it into a movie. David Herdeg (Pare) is a sa...

1/4 Starring: Ice Cube, Mike Epps, Tommy Flanagan, Eva Mendes, Carmen Chaplin, Valarie Rae Miller, Roger Guenveur Smith Rated R for Strong Violence, Pervasive Language and Brief Sexuality On some level, I've begun to appreciate movies like "All About the Benjamins."  In an era of endless reboots, sequels and superhero obsessions, a movie with a clear beginning, middle and end, no in-jokes or Easter Eggs, or Stan Lee cameos is something like a breath of fresh air.  That doesn't make this movie any better, but it at least has that going for it. Beleaguered bounty hunter Bucum (Cube) has been assigned to nab a frequent target: fast-talking hustler Reggie (Epps).  While trying to escape from Bucum's clutches, he hides out in a van.  That van belongs to Ursula (Chaplin) and Julian (Smith), who just absconded with $20 million worth of diamonds.  While Bucum wants to follow the diamonds, Reggie only wants the wallet he lost in his escape, which has a winning lo...

3.5/4 Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Charlize Theron Rated R for Some Violence, Disturbing Images and Language "The Road" has to be the most downbeat, depressing and cynical movie I've ever seen.  That's not meant as a criticism, but a fact.  This is a tough movie to get through, but not a chore.  Those who venture in will find their time well spent, albeit not in a necessarily pleasant way.  Then again, if a movie is based off a novel by Cormac McCarthy, "pleasant" isn't a word one would hope to be used to describe it. The film takes place after the world has ended.  How it happened is not explained because it doesn't matter.  But any hope of the Earth recovering from what happened has long since gone.  A man (Mortensen) and his son (Smit-McPhee) are travelling together, trying to "get to the coast."  There are few people left, although considering what many are doing with the goal of survival, that's a good thing...

3.5/4 Starring: Robert DeNiro, James Woods, Elizabeth McGovern, Tuesday Weld, James Hayden, William Forsythe Rated R for Strong Violence including a Rape, Sexual Content, Language and Some Drug Use What is it about the mafia that Hollywood finds so compelling?  Many of cinema's finest films revolve around the mob.  " Goodfellas ," TV's "The Sopranos," " The Departed ."  And of course, "The Godfather" trilogy.  Perhaps it's because, despite the violence and crime, these people still abide by understandable human values: honor, integrity, respect, and family. "Once Upon a Time in America," the last film by legendary Italian director Sergio Leone, is a different sort of mafia movie.  There's no "Don" whoever, there are no enforcers, and family, literally or figuratively, is hardly mentioned.  While no one will deny that the realities of a life of crime are romanticized, there's little adrenaline to be ...

2.5/4 Starring: Michelle Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella, Jennifer Meyers Rated R (probably for Strong Violence/Gore, Nudity, Language and Some Drug and Alcohol Content) When a movie is called "The Slumber Party Massacre" and produced by schlockmeister Roger Corman, it's a pretty safe bet that you won't find it being offered from the Criterion Collection.  Unless they market it as an example of existential abstract neo-surrealism.  Whatever that means.  Probably some pseudo-intellectual trying to explain how he found merit in a b-movie filled with nudity and gore that has no artistic value. Never mind, I'm dawdling.  There are two ways to look at "The Slumber Party Massacre."  One is as a straight horror movie.  On that level, it's an utter failure.  It's too dumb and too poorly made to scare anyone past the age of six.  On the other, the level which I'm sure it is intended to work on, is what I described it as: a sleazy, sex...

4/4 Starring: Jessica Chastain, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Mark Strong, Jake Lacey, Allison Pill, Sam Waterston, John Lithgow, Michael Stuhlbarg Rated R for Language and Some Sexuality There is something I find absolutely fascinating about a character who is simultaneously ruthless and Machiavellian.  "Miss Sloane" is about such a character.  Liz Sloane (Chastain), the most powerful lobbyist in Washington, she knows that in order to win, she must anticipate her opponent's moves and get there first.  But in such a high-stakes world where everything can be spun, distorted or manipulated, how can she do so without hurting her own cause? If anyone needs to get legislation passed, they need Liz on their side.  She has all the connections, she knows all the loopholes, she could persuade Rick Perry to make a sequel to "An Inconvenient Truth."  She is the one to know.  Most importantly, she knows what it takes to win in this game, and will do whatever it takes t...

3.5/4 Starring: Amy Adams, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Shannon, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Armie Hammer, Laura Linney Rated R for Violence, Menace, Graphic Nudity and Language It isn't until the final frame of "Nocturnal Animals" that everything becomes clear.  The film tells three stories simultaneously, but what they are building to doesn't become clear until the last shot.  It's a close up that tells all. Susan Morrow (Adams) is an art gallery owner living in an unnamed big city.  Although extraordinarily wealthy with a stunner of a husband (Hammer), she is far from happy.  One day she gets a manuscript in the mail.  Her ex-husband, Edward Sheffield (Gyllenhaal), has gotten it published and has offered her the first peek. The novel, titled "Nocturnal Animals," is about a man named Tony Hastings (Gyllenhaal), who is on a road trip with his wife Laura (Isla Fisher) and daughter India (Ellie Bamber).  On a dark stretch of road with no phone signal, the...

3.5/4 Starring (voices): Aaron Paul, Lena Headey, Sean Bean, Liam Mulvey, Adrian Bouchet, Alexa Kahn, Darin De Paul, David Gant Rated PG-13 for Fantasy Violence and Action Throughout Anyone well versed in video games knows that "Final Fantasy 15" was one of the most anticipated games in recent memory.  Ten years development is a long time to wait, and so far it's been a little disappointing, although I've heard that it gets better the more you get into it.  Still, this isn't a review of the game, but "Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV," which set's up the game's story.  Not to put too fine a point on it, it's a lot of fun, and well worth watching even if you have no interest in playing the game. The rival kingdoms of Lucius and Nifelheim have been locked in a bitter war for years.  The mechanically inclined Nifelheim seeks to control all of the magic-disposed Lucius.  But after a particularly bloody battle, an emissary from Nifelheim arri...

3/4 Starring (voices): Auli'i Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Rachel House, Temuera Morrison, Nicole Sherzinger Rated PG for Peril, Some Scary Images and Brief Thematic Elements In general, Disney animated movies don't take many risks.  Their target audiences (kids) don't demand sophisticated plots and character depth.  Nor is unconventional storytelling sought (or desired).  The House of Mouse has essentially diluted the art of making a family movie down to a science.  If it has colorful images, broad comedy, a strong lead, cute supporting characters and an easy to follow story, it'll be a success.  So within those boundaries, and "Moana" never treads close to the edges, their newest entry works. Years ago, the demigod Maui stole the heart of the island goddess, Te Fiti, intending to give humans the power over life.  But that let the lava demon Te Ka loose, causing destruction (and the loss of Maui's mighty fish hook). A thousand years later, the isla...

2/4 Starring: Brad Pitt, Marion Cotillard, Jared Harris Rated R for Violence, Some Sexuality/Nudity, Language and Brief Drug Use Chemistry. When it comes to chemistry between actors, or sometimes between actors and filmmakers (like DeNiro and Scorcese, for instance), it's essential.  It's when the two feed off each other in an interesting way.  But it is so hard to get right, since it can't be bought, written, or directed.  It has to do with the right actors in the right roles.  Talent doesn't mean anything either.  For every Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, there are dozens of couples like Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard.  Both are fine actors, but they don't "click". Max Vatan (Pitt) is a Canadian fighter pilot sent behind enemy lines.  His task: pose as the husband of Marianne Beausejour (Cotillard) and assassinate a German diplomat.  Although they try to remain strictly professional, the two fall for each other, and after the missi...

2.5/4 Starring: Goran Visnjic, Shirley Henderson, Miranda Otto, Paddy Considine, Fiona Shaw, Sophie Stuckey Rated R for Violence and Language "Close Your Eyes" has an intriguing concept: a hypnotist who can see into a person's subconscious and influence their mind helps a cop track down a serial killer.  It's a great idea and the movie contains some nice performances.  But the film is lacking in other areas that makes it tough to recommend. Michael Strother (Visnjic) is a hypnotherapist who specializes in helping people quit smoking.  Unlike most hypnotists or psychics, he can actually practice what he preaches.  He can peer into a person's deepest part of the mind and get them to change their behavior.  One day he is helping Janet Losey (Henderson), when he in her mind he sees a little girl floating underwater.  On her way out the door, he mentions this to her in an off hand way.  It turns out that she is investigating the Tattoo murders,...

1.5/4 Starring: Danny Glover, Dennis Quaid, Jared Leto, R. Lee Ermey, Ted Levine, William Fitchner Rated R for Strong Violence and Several Views of Nude Pin-Ups Who cares? That's the thought that quickly came to mind while watching this movie.  Who cares? F.B.I. Agent Frank Lacrosse (Quaid) is tracking a killer.  A serial killer who slashes people's femoral arteries as his M.O.  His pursuit leads him to Amarillo, Texas, where two more victims that appear to have been done by his quarry have been slashed to death.  There, he finds himself the middle of a pissing contest between the local sheriff Buck Olmstead (Ermey) and the competition for his job, an incompetent weasel by the name of Jack McGinnis (Fitchner). Meanwhile in Colorado, friendly Bob Goodall (Glover) has picked up a hitchhiker named Lane Dixon (Leto).  They're driving through a heavy storm, and it soon becomes clear to everyone that a killer is on the loose.  But who is it? Th...

3.5/4 Not Rated (probable R for Language, Nudity, Brief Violent Images and a Drug Reference) With Enron, it's a case of the Emperor with no Clothes.  It wasn't a good company, by any stretch of the word, that went bad.  It was rotten to the core since its inception.  The people at Enron weren't good businessmen with a great product that suddenly vanished.  They were terrible businesspeople whose only skills were exploiting the loopholes to make people believe that they were good salesmen.  And if their magic show failed, they had the power to crush their enemies. Alex Gibney, who made this documentary, sees this not so much as a crime story or even a peek behind the corporate world.  Instead, he views it as a story of human nature.  It's a story about greed, vanity, and hubris.  But it's also a story of how dangerous someone with a tremendous amount of drive can be.  We love to see stories of people fighting the odds and coming out the ...

2.5/4 Starring: Mark Patton, Kim Myers, Robert Rusler, Robert Englund, Clu Gulager, Hope Lange Rated R (probably for Horror Violence/Gore, Language and Some Sexuality) Of all the "classic" slasher movies, Wes Craven's " A Nightmare on Elm Street " boasted the most clever premise: a serial killer with knives for fingers stalked his victims in their dreams, and if they died in their dreams, they died in real life.  It was an original gimmick, not to mention a chilling one, and Craven, who did not have a spotless record, managed to milk it enough that it became a staple of the genre.  It wasn't a great horror movie, but it was effective.  The sequel, subtitled "Freddy's Revenge," seeks to invert the premise in a way: this time, Freddy seeks to possess a victim and, through him, kill people.  It's an intriguing twist on the formula, and while it doesn't quite work, there's enough good stuff here that you might actually want to che...