Happy, Texas


2/4

Starring: Jeremy Northam, Steve Zahn, William H. Macy, Ally Walker, Illeana Douglas

Rated PG-13 for Language, Sexual Content, and Some Violence

“Happy, Texas” is a 98-minute long sitcom.  The script and the characters are paper thin, the humor is juvenile, and the plot is innocuous.  With a miscast lead and an unwillingness to take chances, “Happy, Texas” is watchable, but instantly forgettable.

In a Texas prison, con artist Harry Sawyer (Northam) and dim bulb car thief Wayne Wayne Wayne, Jr. (Zahn) have just gotten lucky: the truck they are being transported in crashes and they escape.  Their luck gets even greater when they find a small town they can hide in until the heat cools down.  All they have to do is pose as beauty pageant instructors for two weeks, then rob the bank and get out of dodge.  The catch is that instead of being able to chase the skirts of the pageant contestants, they have to babysit them, and they also have to pretend they’re gay.

The premise is solid, but that’s it.  Every joke is tired, every character is a cliché, and every plot twist is predictable.  That’s three strikes for any comedy.  There are a few funny moments, particularly in the beginning, but there really isn’t much more.

Jeremy Northam is sorely miscast.  With his gravelly voice and false charm, Northam is more at home playing creeps and psychos (like in “The Net,” for example).  In a genial, light-hearted comedy like this, he sticks out like a sore thumb; his scenes rarely ring true.  Steve Zahn is a gifted comedian, especially when it comes to playing characters of very low intelligence.  But he’s only able to pull off about half the jokes.  Illeana Douglas is okay as the girls’ leader, but that’s it.  The only characters we really feel for are Joe (Walker), the bank owner who is unlucky in love (and the one Harry inevitably falls for) and Chappy (Macy), the sheriff who falls for Harry.  Both actors play their characters with both humor and pathos.

The most obvious problem is that the gags are not only unfunny, they are unfinished.  Each joke or comic set-piece feels incomplete.  They feel like trailers for larger, funnier scenes.  Subplots are half-developed, and scenes that strengthen the characters and the plot seem to be missing.  And while I realize that this was made twelve years ago, the idea of two straight guys having to pretend to be gay was just as tired then as it is now.  For once, can we get a straight guy who does not freak out when he is hit on by another man?  This is the 21st century; surely most men would be able to deal with that in a perfectly reasonable way.

Mark Illsley understands the concept of comic timing; he just needs better jokes to give his actors.  The script, which he co-wrote with Ed Stone and Phil Reeves, is in desperate need of a few rewrites and more imagination.  His direction isn’t sure, either.  The climax, which should be the comic apex of the movie, is messy and confusing.

This is not a terrible movie by any means.  But it’s not very good either. 

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