Identity Thief
0/4
Rated R for Sexual Content and Language
Starring: Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, Amanda Peet, Robert Patrick, Genesis Rodriguez, T.I., Morris Chestnut, John Cho
There is a scene about halfway through this movie where the two lead characters, mild mannered twit Sandy Patterson (Bateman) and Diana (McCarthy), the whale who stole his identity, are in the woods and invaded by snakes. I was praying that the snakes would kill them both and the movie would be over. Alas, it was not to be.
"Identity Thief" is a shoo-in for the worst movie of 2013. I hope there isn't one that top it, because I don't know if I can take another movie this bad. Hell, it's even worse than "Killer Elite," and that was two years ago. The jokes aren't funny (the funniest joke in the trailer is replaced with a lamer one liner), the characters are annoying, and the film takes a direction in the reprehensible at the end.
Sandy, as we learn, is a pushover for his obnoxious boss (Jon Faverau in a truly annoying performance). His boss forces Sandy to give him outrageous bonuses at the expense of everyone else. So he and his co-workers decide to form their own compay. But just before he starts his new job, he runs into a whole heap of trouble too tedious to explain. In short, as we know from the trailer, his identity has been stolen by a woman named Diana in Florida (Sandy has never been there). Since these cases are so tied up with red tape and a bad credit rating would look bad to clients, Sandy decides to go down to Florida to bring the behemoth back to Colorado. Needless to say, Diana doesn't come easily.
I have long since grown sick of Jason Bateman. When he first hit it big, his meek, self-deprecating schtick was amusing. But Bateman does the exact same thing in every role, and it's gotten really annoying. There is evidence here that he can play a role straight, so either he should do that, or retire to Lifetime. Melissa McCarthy, on the other hand, can be funny; "Bridesmaids" proved that. She certainly gives it her all, and there are times when she manages to get a grin. But the material she's been given is so awful that there's little that she can do. Poor Amanda Peet, who is also talented in comedy, has nothing to do but play that worried wife back home. Robert Patrick is surprisingly bland as the bounty hunter on their tail. Genesis Rodriguez is certainly sexy and badass, but she suffers from the same syndrome that everyone else does: bad material.
The film was directed by Seth Gordon, who made the surprise hit "Horrible Bosses" two years ago. I found that to be sporadically amusing, but not nearly as funny as everyone else said it was (in my opinion, "Bad Teacher" was a lot funnier and better made). Still, that movie could at least boast some amusing jokes. "Identity Theft," on the other hand, is just awful. Gordon can't generate a decent joke if his life depended on it.
But what really sinks this movie is the fact that it turns into a buddy comedy. Not only does it not work, it's reprehensible. There are a lot of people who are victims of identity theft, and it can be a very frustrating and financially draining experience. Turning this movie into a mismatched buddy movie is just ugly. McCarthy does okay work here, but that doesn't save it.
This is the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater. It has only about, oh, a minute of mildly amusing material (the best of which, I might add, is too weak for even a January release). Everything else is garbage Unlike other zero star movies, like "Soul Plane" or "Ben & Arthur," I didn't have the luxury of pausing the movie when the pain got bad enough. I had to sit through all of the way-too-long two hours. The only reason why I didn't walk out is so that I could warn you, dear readers, to avoid this movie like the plague.
Rated R for Sexual Content and Language
Starring: Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, Amanda Peet, Robert Patrick, Genesis Rodriguez, T.I., Morris Chestnut, John Cho
There is a scene about halfway through this movie where the two lead characters, mild mannered twit Sandy Patterson (Bateman) and Diana (McCarthy), the whale who stole his identity, are in the woods and invaded by snakes. I was praying that the snakes would kill them both and the movie would be over. Alas, it was not to be.
"Identity Thief" is a shoo-in for the worst movie of 2013. I hope there isn't one that top it, because I don't know if I can take another movie this bad. Hell, it's even worse than "Killer Elite," and that was two years ago. The jokes aren't funny (the funniest joke in the trailer is replaced with a lamer one liner), the characters are annoying, and the film takes a direction in the reprehensible at the end.
Sandy, as we learn, is a pushover for his obnoxious boss (Jon Faverau in a truly annoying performance). His boss forces Sandy to give him outrageous bonuses at the expense of everyone else. So he and his co-workers decide to form their own compay. But just before he starts his new job, he runs into a whole heap of trouble too tedious to explain. In short, as we know from the trailer, his identity has been stolen by a woman named Diana in Florida (Sandy has never been there). Since these cases are so tied up with red tape and a bad credit rating would look bad to clients, Sandy decides to go down to Florida to bring the behemoth back to Colorado. Needless to say, Diana doesn't come easily.
I have long since grown sick of Jason Bateman. When he first hit it big, his meek, self-deprecating schtick was amusing. But Bateman does the exact same thing in every role, and it's gotten really annoying. There is evidence here that he can play a role straight, so either he should do that, or retire to Lifetime. Melissa McCarthy, on the other hand, can be funny; "Bridesmaids" proved that. She certainly gives it her all, and there are times when she manages to get a grin. But the material she's been given is so awful that there's little that she can do. Poor Amanda Peet, who is also talented in comedy, has nothing to do but play that worried wife back home. Robert Patrick is surprisingly bland as the bounty hunter on their tail. Genesis Rodriguez is certainly sexy and badass, but she suffers from the same syndrome that everyone else does: bad material.
The film was directed by Seth Gordon, who made the surprise hit "Horrible Bosses" two years ago. I found that to be sporadically amusing, but not nearly as funny as everyone else said it was (in my opinion, "Bad Teacher" was a lot funnier and better made). Still, that movie could at least boast some amusing jokes. "Identity Theft," on the other hand, is just awful. Gordon can't generate a decent joke if his life depended on it.
But what really sinks this movie is the fact that it turns into a buddy comedy. Not only does it not work, it's reprehensible. There are a lot of people who are victims of identity theft, and it can be a very frustrating and financially draining experience. Turning this movie into a mismatched buddy movie is just ugly. McCarthy does okay work here, but that doesn't save it.
This is the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater. It has only about, oh, a minute of mildly amusing material (the best of which, I might add, is too weak for even a January release). Everything else is garbage Unlike other zero star movies, like "Soul Plane" or "Ben & Arthur," I didn't have the luxury of pausing the movie when the pain got bad enough. I had to sit through all of the way-too-long two hours. The only reason why I didn't walk out is so that I could warn you, dear readers, to avoid this movie like the plague.
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