Free Birds
1/4
Starring (voices): Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Amy Poehler, George Takei, Colm Meaney, Keith David
Rated PG for Some Action/Peril and Rude Humor
It would be too easy to call this movie a turkey since it is, in fact, about turkeys. No doubt the filmmakers would consider that a compliment of sorts. So let me give you some other adjectives to describe how awful this movie is: terminally bland, boring, banal, trite, preachy, and unfunny.
The story, which is a mix of "Avatar" and "Chicken Run" (and an insult to both), is completely uninteresting. Reggie (Wilson) is a odd duck turkey. While his family members blindly follow food and are incredibly dense, Reggie is a little smarter. So when they finally figure out that they're going to end up on a platter, they volunteer Reggie. Fortunately for him, fate has something else in store for him: he's a "pardoned" turkey, meaning that he'll be able to keep his head and live the good life of pizza and TV. Then he's kidnapped by a tough, but dim, turkey named Jake (Harrelson), who insists that they go back in time to prevent turkeys from being served at the first Thanksgiving and starting the long held tradition. While there, they meet up with the local turkey population and get into a fight with the townspeople, led by Myles Standish (Meaney).
"Free Birds" is one of those movies that has depressingly low aspirations, and can't even meet those. The characters are boring, the story is paper thin, the jokes are non-existent (and when they occur, they're not only unfunny but belabored...the lamest bits never end), and the action scenes are lifeless. The only reason this movie exists is to cash in on the tie-in with the holiday and try to woo holiday shoppers into the theater. They'll get a much needed nap and the little kids in tow will be able to play a game on Mommy's cell phone (no kid possessing half a brain will be interested in what happens during this movie, no matter how old they are).
The one piece of good news is that from an acting standpoint, it's on solid ground. Owen Wilson doesn't mug the camera and Amy Poehler is unrecognizable. Woody Harrelson tries to have some fun, but the material defeats him. Ditto for George Takei (the filmmakers had a wonderful opportunity for some clever humor with the talking time machine, but they didn't bother). Colm Meaney could be menacing had the film afforded him the screen time. And Keith David, always reliable even in the worst movies ("Lost Treasure of the Maya," for example) supplies his deep voice to the proceedings.
It's always obvious when a movie exists only because the studio is looking for a quick cash payday (the rushed production schedule is evidence to this), and that's the case here. No one who actually took part in the making of the film had any interest in the story they were telling. They just did the bare minimum to get their paychecks.
I know how hard it is to find some good family entertainment. With all the heavy Oscar movies coming out, there's not much to take the kids to. But please, please, please don't spend any time or money watching this drek. Rent "Rise of the Guardians" or "Spirited Away" (or preferably, both). You and your kids will be so much happier. And the world will be saved from having to sit through another adventure with these fowl creatures.
I'm not much of a turkey fan, surprisingly enough (I prefer the stuffing). But I'll have a double helping come November 28. If this is what we get for saving them, then they deserve it.
Starring (voices): Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Amy Poehler, George Takei, Colm Meaney, Keith David
Rated PG for Some Action/Peril and Rude Humor
It would be too easy to call this movie a turkey since it is, in fact, about turkeys. No doubt the filmmakers would consider that a compliment of sorts. So let me give you some other adjectives to describe how awful this movie is: terminally bland, boring, banal, trite, preachy, and unfunny.
The story, which is a mix of "Avatar" and "Chicken Run" (and an insult to both), is completely uninteresting. Reggie (Wilson) is a odd duck turkey. While his family members blindly follow food and are incredibly dense, Reggie is a little smarter. So when they finally figure out that they're going to end up on a platter, they volunteer Reggie. Fortunately for him, fate has something else in store for him: he's a "pardoned" turkey, meaning that he'll be able to keep his head and live the good life of pizza and TV. Then he's kidnapped by a tough, but dim, turkey named Jake (Harrelson), who insists that they go back in time to prevent turkeys from being served at the first Thanksgiving and starting the long held tradition. While there, they meet up with the local turkey population and get into a fight with the townspeople, led by Myles Standish (Meaney).
"Free Birds" is one of those movies that has depressingly low aspirations, and can't even meet those. The characters are boring, the story is paper thin, the jokes are non-existent (and when they occur, they're not only unfunny but belabored...the lamest bits never end), and the action scenes are lifeless. The only reason this movie exists is to cash in on the tie-in with the holiday and try to woo holiday shoppers into the theater. They'll get a much needed nap and the little kids in tow will be able to play a game on Mommy's cell phone (no kid possessing half a brain will be interested in what happens during this movie, no matter how old they are).
The one piece of good news is that from an acting standpoint, it's on solid ground. Owen Wilson doesn't mug the camera and Amy Poehler is unrecognizable. Woody Harrelson tries to have some fun, but the material defeats him. Ditto for George Takei (the filmmakers had a wonderful opportunity for some clever humor with the talking time machine, but they didn't bother). Colm Meaney could be menacing had the film afforded him the screen time. And Keith David, always reliable even in the worst movies ("Lost Treasure of the Maya," for example) supplies his deep voice to the proceedings.
It's always obvious when a movie exists only because the studio is looking for a quick cash payday (the rushed production schedule is evidence to this), and that's the case here. No one who actually took part in the making of the film had any interest in the story they were telling. They just did the bare minimum to get their paychecks.
I know how hard it is to find some good family entertainment. With all the heavy Oscar movies coming out, there's not much to take the kids to. But please, please, please don't spend any time or money watching this drek. Rent "Rise of the Guardians" or "Spirited Away" (or preferably, both). You and your kids will be so much happier. And the world will be saved from having to sit through another adventure with these fowl creatures.
I'm not much of a turkey fan, surprisingly enough (I prefer the stuffing). But I'll have a double helping come November 28. If this is what we get for saving them, then they deserve it.
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