The Drownsman

1.5/4

Starring: Michelle Mylett, Caroline Korycki, Gemma Bird Matheson, Sydney Kondruss, Clare Bastable, Ry Barrett

Not Rated (probable R for Horror Violence and Brief Language)

To it's credit, "The Drownsman" gets off to a solid start with a few effective shocks.  Then the plot began, and I began thinking, "Okay, this is silly, but I'm willing to laugh at myself for getting creeped out."  Then, about twenty minutes in, I started having questions about the plot.  Not good ones, such as whether or not the villain is around the corner.  But bad ones, like whether or not the villain is a supernatural entity.  You'd think that since he looks like a walking, sort of talking spinach casserole, the answer to that question would be obvious, but apparently co-writer/director Chad Archibald thinks he can fool the audience about this.

Madison (Mylett) is happy for her friend Hannah (Korycki), who has just gotten engaged.  After slipping on a beer bottle and getting knocked out on her way to falling into the nearby lake, Madison finds herself in a metal bathtub in a dark, dank place.  There, an Old Gregg wannabe is lurking about, scaring the living hell out of poor Madison.  So much so that, even after she comes to, she has developed a paralyzing fear of water.  Like, she will only take in water through an IV and she can't attend Hannah's wedding because it's raining outside.  Fed up, Hannah and her friends Kobie (Matheson) and Lauren (Kondruss) get a spiritualist named Caroline (Bastable) to hold a séance to contact whatever spirit/ghost/lame special effect is haunting Madison.  Things go wrong with Madison gets pulled under by said nasty, and now it's after all of them.

"The Drownsman" steals so much from "A Nightmare on Elm Street" and "The Ring" that Wes Craven's estate and Gore Verbinski should sue.  I suppose combining those two radically different horror movies is somewhat of an achievement, although considering the final result, it's a rather dubious one.  Both of those movies were intense, creative and frightening.  This one is brain dead, comatose and mildly creepy even at its best moments.

The less said about the acting, the better.  Based on the evidence, no one in this movie should have a career in front of the camera.  Of them, only Mylett has previous full-length credits, with the rest coming from short films.  If they want to be taken seriously as actresses, they should leave out this entry on their resumes.  Of them, Caroline Korycki and Sydney Kondruss are the most polished, although that's not saying much.  Gemma Bird Matheson is just awful; the simplest line of dialogue defeats her.

The problem with this movie, other than the acting, is that everything regarding the plot is half-developed, inconsistent, or just plain not there.  It doesn't matter if a movie uses the supernatural.  But if it does, it has to be consistent with how the villain can and cannot operate.  Once the ground rules are set, the director can go wild with as many riffs and variations on the same theme as long as it plays by said rules.  That doesn't happen here.  Even aside from that, the story is a mess.  When it tries to explain the obligatory backstory or "key" character reveals, it does so in such a slapdash manner that none of it makes any sense.

There's really only one element that I can actually praise with this movie, and that's the special effects.  It never gets old seeing someone pulled into a sink or bathtub and vanish (complete with flailing feet).  My guess is that the majority of the film's time and budget went to that.  As opposed to, you know, the important stuff.  Like coherent plot or characters with personalities that engage us (that they're going to do some amazingly stupid things is a forgone conclusion in this sort of movie).

For a bargain priced Blu Ray, you could worse.  But you could also do a hell of a lot better.

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