Creep (2005)

1/4

Starring: Franka Potente, Sean Harris, Paul Rattray, Jeremy Sheffield

Rated R for Strong Bloody Horror Violence, Language, Some Drug Use and Sexual Content

Not to be confused with the 2014 film of the same name

When you see as many movies as I do, they all start to bleed together sooner or later.  I remember having a sense of deja vu while watching "Dark Shadows" a few years back.  I got that same feeling here with "Creep."  I felt like I had seen it all before.  Was it because I actually had, or was it just because it was such a totally generic horror movie.

Party girl Kate (Potente) is at a party bragging about how she's going to meet George Clooney.  And possibly sleep with him.  But her luck isn't that good: her friend has left without her and a guy she knows, appropriately named Guy (Sheffield), does not know the meaning of the term "boundaries."  She falls asleep at the train station and is cornered by Guy, who proceeds to take what he feels she owes him.  Someone pulls the lecherous pervert off her, but his motives are not that of a savior.  Soon she's on the run from a monster hiding out in the train station.

A word of advice to all filmmaking hopefuls: do not make your heroine so annoying that the audience is actively wishing for her to die.  Kate is so grating that she bears comparison to Seth Rogen.  She never shuts up, is always stating the obvious, and frequently repeats herself incessantly.  Horror movie heroines are rarely known for their intelligence, but even by the low, low standards of the genre, Kate has the IQ of a peanut.  It isn't that she doesn't hit the bad guy when he's down (that sort of thing comes with the territory).  It's that she doesn't hit him down when she has plenty of opportunities.  Not that the monster notices.  This creature, which is an obvious reject from "The Descent," is even dumber, and that's saying a lot.  The escape attempts that he misses might make one wonder if he's actually trying to help her escape.

This is the feature film debut of Christopher Smith, a British filmmaker who went on to direct the intriguing "Triangle" and the disappointing "Black Death."  He knows all the tricks for how to make a good horror film: editing rhythms, manipulative camera angles, how to set up a jump shock, and so on.  But what to do is different from knowing how to do it well.  Smith is almost never on the right side of the line.  As a result, this movie is so inane that I forgot what had happened two minutes prior.

No matter how you look at it, "Creep" is a waste of time and money.  It's not scary, the heroine is stupid and annoying, the villain is so pathetic that he's more likely to provoke laughter than screams, and it just looks like the shit it is.

Simply put, it stinks.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Desert Flower

The Road

My Left Foot