Clash of the Titans (1981)
1/4
Starring: Harry Hamlin, Judi Bowker, Burgess Meredith, Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith, Neil McCarthy, Tim Pigott-Smith
Rated PG (probably for Violence and Nudity)
Although "Clash of the Titans" is synonymous with special effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen, its the special effects that are one of the film's biggest problems. Some are good (in their goofy, old fashioned way), but others like the blue screen work are just awful. By no means are they the only problem, as the film is an utter failure in just about every category. It's just that it's ironic that what should be the film's biggest selling point turns out to be one of its many black eyes.
The film has no plot. At least not one of any interest. Bickering among the gods like Thetis (Smith) and Zeus (Olivier) has led to conflict. The king of Argos has imprisoned his daughter out of jealousy, and after she is impregnated by Zeus, the king puts her and a child named Perseus in a coffin (alive) and has them thrown out to sea. Zeus is none too pleased about this and has the city destroyed. This miffs the goddess Thetis (Smith), who thinks that her human lover Calibos (got a raw deal when he was turned into a hideous creature after overhunting winged horses. Calibos was betrothed to the lovely Andromeda (Bowker), but now that he's no longer human, she refuses, but the city is cursed until a man can solve his riddles (or be burned alive if he guesses wrong). So when the adult Perseus (Hamlin) solves the riddle, Thetis gets pissed, and...
Whatever. Plot is not among the film's strong suits. It's hokey, it's clunky and it's impossible to care about. And not just because it's borderline incoherent. The screenplay by Beverley Cross (Smith's husband) may have had the high aspirations of being the fantasy version of "Star Wars" (as James Berardinelli put it) but it's an abomination. George Lucas may not be the best writer in Hollywood, but he knew how to tell a story. That eludes Cross, who despite having a wealth of material to work with and an obvious knowledge of mythology, has scribbled a disaster that's both banal and overly wordy. It's the worst of both worlds.
Not that the actors do much to alleviate the situation. Future "L.A. Law" star Harry Hamlin, then a newcomer, is so stiff that one wouldn't be remiss to mistake him for one of Medusa's unfortunate victims. Judi Bowker isn't much better, bringing little to the part except for good looks. The film is not devoid of star power, however. The cast includes legends such as Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith, Burgess Meredith, Claire Bloom, Sian Phillips and sex symbol Ursula Andress. None of them bother to do anything but the bare minimum of effort to earn their paycheck. They show up, say their line(s) and leave. Laurence Olivier in particular is horrible, playing his part as if he had guzzled vodka before the cameras started rolling (in reality, Olivier was quite ill during filming). He is outacted by Bubo the mechanical owl, a blatantly obvious R2-D2 wannabe. Burgess Meredith at least gives it a game try, giving the only respectable performance in the film.
As for the special effects? Well, I will say that a few have charm. Harryhausen's stop-motion effects are unmistakable, and there are some, such as the fight with Medusa or the climax with the Kraken, that do work. Those are the exceptions. Most are horrible. They look like they were cut and pasted onto the film. Watch the scenes where Poseidon is turning the portcullis. The special effects in "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" were more convincing. Yeah, I know. It was filmed in 1979. That is absolutely not an excuse. "Star Wars" was filmed in 1977, and it looked a lot better than this. The lack of effort with "Clash of the Titans" is unacceptable. Both then and now.
The long and short of it is that this movie is a disaster. It sucks. It had to have been a terrible movie then and it's even worse now. And as lame as the remake with Sam Worthington is, it's at least better than this stinker.
Starring: Harry Hamlin, Judi Bowker, Burgess Meredith, Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith, Neil McCarthy, Tim Pigott-Smith
Rated PG (probably for Violence and Nudity)
Although "Clash of the Titans" is synonymous with special effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen, its the special effects that are one of the film's biggest problems. Some are good (in their goofy, old fashioned way), but others like the blue screen work are just awful. By no means are they the only problem, as the film is an utter failure in just about every category. It's just that it's ironic that what should be the film's biggest selling point turns out to be one of its many black eyes.
The film has no plot. At least not one of any interest. Bickering among the gods like Thetis (Smith) and Zeus (Olivier) has led to conflict. The king of Argos has imprisoned his daughter out of jealousy, and after she is impregnated by Zeus, the king puts her and a child named Perseus in a coffin (alive) and has them thrown out to sea. Zeus is none too pleased about this and has the city destroyed. This miffs the goddess Thetis (Smith), who thinks that her human lover Calibos (got a raw deal when he was turned into a hideous creature after overhunting winged horses. Calibos was betrothed to the lovely Andromeda (Bowker), but now that he's no longer human, she refuses, but the city is cursed until a man can solve his riddles (or be burned alive if he guesses wrong). So when the adult Perseus (Hamlin) solves the riddle, Thetis gets pissed, and...
Whatever. Plot is not among the film's strong suits. It's hokey, it's clunky and it's impossible to care about. And not just because it's borderline incoherent. The screenplay by Beverley Cross (Smith's husband) may have had the high aspirations of being the fantasy version of "Star Wars" (as James Berardinelli put it) but it's an abomination. George Lucas may not be the best writer in Hollywood, but he knew how to tell a story. That eludes Cross, who despite having a wealth of material to work with and an obvious knowledge of mythology, has scribbled a disaster that's both banal and overly wordy. It's the worst of both worlds.
Not that the actors do much to alleviate the situation. Future "L.A. Law" star Harry Hamlin, then a newcomer, is so stiff that one wouldn't be remiss to mistake him for one of Medusa's unfortunate victims. Judi Bowker isn't much better, bringing little to the part except for good looks. The film is not devoid of star power, however. The cast includes legends such as Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith, Burgess Meredith, Claire Bloom, Sian Phillips and sex symbol Ursula Andress. None of them bother to do anything but the bare minimum of effort to earn their paycheck. They show up, say their line(s) and leave. Laurence Olivier in particular is horrible, playing his part as if he had guzzled vodka before the cameras started rolling (in reality, Olivier was quite ill during filming). He is outacted by Bubo the mechanical owl, a blatantly obvious R2-D2 wannabe. Burgess Meredith at least gives it a game try, giving the only respectable performance in the film.
As for the special effects? Well, I will say that a few have charm. Harryhausen's stop-motion effects are unmistakable, and there are some, such as the fight with Medusa or the climax with the Kraken, that do work. Those are the exceptions. Most are horrible. They look like they were cut and pasted onto the film. Watch the scenes where Poseidon is turning the portcullis. The special effects in "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" were more convincing. Yeah, I know. It was filmed in 1979. That is absolutely not an excuse. "Star Wars" was filmed in 1977, and it looked a lot better than this. The lack of effort with "Clash of the Titans" is unacceptable. Both then and now.
The long and short of it is that this movie is a disaster. It sucks. It had to have been a terrible movie then and it's even worse now. And as lame as the remake with Sam Worthington is, it's at least better than this stinker.
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