The Curse of La Llorona

 2/4

Starring: Linda Cardellini, Roman Christou, Jaynee-Lynne Kinchen, Patricia Velasquez, Raymond Cruz, Tony Amendola, Sean Patrick Thomas

Rated R for Violence and Terror

Horror movies evolve.  In the 80s, they took the form the slasher movie, following the blueprint laid out by "Halloween," and to a lesser extent, "Psycho."  In the 90s, it was the post-modern slasher, which scared audiences and poked fun at genre conventions.  The "Scream" franchise is a good example.  The turn of the millennium flirted with the religious horror movie, with entries like "End of Days" and "Stigmata," but it was mostly dominated by found footage movies like "The Blair Witch Project."  Now that the last decade turns to a close, cinema is once again flooded by demon possession stories.  Or ghost stories.  Whatever they are.  Who knows?  They all involve a person or family that is terrorized by an entity from the netherworld that has failed to grasp the concept of "Rest In Peace."

Widowed social worker Anna (Cardellini) is trying to help Patricia Alvarez (Velasquez), whose children are once again not in school.  Anna goes to investigate and finds them locked in a closet.  The batty Patricia claims she is protecting from a local spook story, La Llorona.  Needless to say, no one is buying it, so the kids are taken away.  That night, they end up dead.  Anna is riddled with guilt, but her life is to get a whole lot worse when she and her two kids are haunted by La Llorona herself.

Horror movies like this are easy to make, but hard to make well.  There are enough of the former to fill a few dozen discount DVD bins at Walmart and they're about as nutritious as bargain brand cat food.  The ones in the latter category are more rare, so when they do come, we remember them.  Such is the case with "The Conjuring" and its sequel.  Those movies were taut, exciting and had more than a few moments of pure terror.  "The Curse of La Llorona" does not fall into that category.  A thinly connected entry into "The Conjuring" cinematic universe, its one of those movies that will only be remembered because it is a part of this "cinematic universe."

A movie like this depends on atmosphere, character identification, and tension.  Try as he might, director Michael Chaves is unable to convey a sense of dread or fear in his film.  It takes more than darkness, rain and doors that fling open or suddenly lock.  Character identification is nil because the people in this movie are personality deprived.  They don't feel like real people; they're just automatons that Chaves can move around like chess pieces.  It doesn't help that these characters are some of the dumbest people ever to appear in a movie.  Even by horror movie standards.  And the only real tension occurs during the climax, but it's undercut by the length and the fact that Raymond Cruz's character (the obligatory demon-busting savant who knows everything) never shuts up.  He is constantly explaining the rules of what La Llorona can and can't do.  Props to the filmmakers for not forgetting this important factor, but couldn't they have found a better way to wed it into the film?

The cast does not impress.  Linda Cardellini is a lovely and talented actress, but her talents are better seen elsewhere.  She does what she can, but there's no saving the drivel she's been given.  The kids are okay, I guess.  Not too cute and not annoying.  Patricia Velasquez does a good job playing a borderline nutcase.  How she figures into the story is the one shred of originality in the film.  Raymond Cruz is awful.  The actor can't be bothered to hide his boredom.  Not that he has a character to play.  He's just around to spout the exposition (although to be fair, he does play a role in the single funny line that's actually intended to be funny).

As for La Llorona herself, well I admit that she gave me the creeps once or twice.  But this kind of tortured spirit has been done to death.  No pun intended.  And frankly it's losing a lot of its luster.  Plus, the design just isn't that scary.  Give me the Demon Nun any day.

Ultimately, this is just another lame horror movie.  The screenplay is a joke; it's obviously been cobbled together by a bunch of lazy writers looking for some quick cash.  The direction is sloppy; every would-be scare is too obviously the work of a director manipulating his audience.  And for a movie with an R rating, there isn't even any decent gore to liven things up.  What a waste.