The 355

 2/4

Starring: Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong'o, Diane Kruger, Penelope Cruz, Bingbing Fan, Sebastian Stan, Edgar Ramirez

Rated PG-13 for Sequences of Strong Violence, Brief Strong Language, and Suggestive Material

Talk about a missed opportunity!

"The 355" is Hollywood's answer to the calls for more diversity and roles for women.  And with all the star power that the movie has, it certainly has a much needed ace up its sleeve to work.  Unfortunately, that's the only card it has to play.  The story is not only generic spy thriller schtick, but it's thin and ineptly told.  Very little of it makes much sense or serves a purpose, and when it does, it becomes painfully obvious just how dumb it is.  Of course, such problems aren't limited to female-driven films.  There are plenty of other movies starring men that have more violence than intelligence, so I suppose "The 355" is at least egalitarian in that respect.

If we are speaking honestly, there is not much of a plot.  CIA agent par excellence Mace (Chastain) and her partner/would-be lover Nick (Stan) are on the trail of the ultimate code-breaker.  A supersized computer chip has the capacity to hack any computer system at will.  Anything from a Mr. Coffee to a nation's power grid is vulnerable if the chip falls into the wrong hands.  A former soldier is willing to hand it off to the Mace and Nick for some cold hard cash and a new identity, but the drop goes bad and Nick ends up dead.  Mace is disavowed, and to stop world calamity, she has to team up with some an old friend, ex-MI6 agent Khadijah (Nyong'o).  Soon they're joined by others in a similar position, including Graciela (Cruz), a psychiatrist who is sort of in the wrong place at the wrong time, Marie (Kruger), a German agent with anger and trust issues, and Lin Mi Shang (Fan), a Chinese woman with unknown motives.

This story is as old as the hills, and director Simon Kinberg does nothing with it.  Which begs the question: why?  "The 355" is clearly meant to be break the gender barrier and prove that women can dominate their own action movies.  Audiences have been all but screaming for a movie like this.  So why use such a hopeless screenplay and a director for hire?  If you're going to break new ground, you do it with the best people you got.  This is a movie that is crying out for A-talent behind the scenes.  Get James Wan or John Woo, for god's sake.  Don't squander your chances with a screenplay that's been cobbled together with crayons.  You get talent that matches what the audience sees on screen.

The cast is wasted in this movie, and considering who is on screen, that's nothing short of criminal.  Let's see.  You have two Oscar winners (Cruz and Nyong'o), a two-time Oscar nominee (Chastain), a should-have-been-a-nominee (Kruger) and one of China's leading ladies (Fan).  That's some immense talent.  Why not write a real screenplay for them instead of shoving them into a demographic bingo card?  It's entirely possible to write a female-driven action movie.  "Black Book" is an excellent example.  So is "The Descent."  But instead, they got lazy.  This is yet another film that was marketed before it was written.

Had the film's action sequences been directed with competence, this movie might have risen to the level of stupid fun.  But no.  Most of them rely on quick cuts and shaky-cam that are the crutch for incompetent directors.  When the camera slows down for some close calls, the adrenaline peaks.  The final fight in a hotel is a case in point.  Kinberg not only manages to give every girl her time to shine but manages to make it easy to follow, which is impressive.

Still, I'm more disappointed at the squandered potential than angry at the movie for wasting my time.  Despite the thin material they are given, the actresses give it their all.  So it's not surprising then that, save for the final showdown, the best moments are the ones that feature their interactions with each other.  And these aren't PC "strong women" like Wyldstyle in "The Lego Movie" where they're allegedly strong because they show up in leather and on a motorcycle.  These ladies ladies are the real deal; they're smart, they're athletic and can kill without hesitation.  Men are not required.

"The 355" is moderately entertaining on the whole.  It has its moments and is at the very least diverting.  And it won't come anywhere near my Bottom 10 list.  But there is no denying that it could, and should, have been a lot more.

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