Morbius

 1.5/4

Starring: Jared Leto, Matt Smith, Adria Arjona, Jared Harris, Tyrese Gibson, Al Mandrigal

Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Violence, Some Frightening Images, and Brief Strong Language

Advanced word on "Morbius" is so bad that one might assume it's the second coming of "Gigli."  I went in expecting a train wreck, not least because MCU movies make bank and are beloved by fans regardless of whether or not they are any good.  The verdict?  Well, it doesn't work and I don't recommend it, but it is far from the worst movie ever made.  It won't come near the bottom of my worst of 2022 list.  In fact, it isn't even close to the worst film made by this director ("Child 44," the dud with Tom Hardy and Noomi Rapace, is far more painful to sit through).

"Morbius" tries to be different than the usual MCU fare, but it misses the mark.  Ultimately, the need to mesh with other films in the MCU is its biggest handicap.  Director Daniel Espinosa directs this as a horror film, which is a refreshing change of pace from the bland, would-be irony of the other entries.  The problem is that the plot is Superhero Origin Story 101, and that prevents it from taking the story in interesting directions.  There are flashes of where this movie could go, but the need to follow the formula prevents Espinosa from doing so.

Dr. Michael Morbius (Leto) is a brilliant scientist trying to cure a blood disease that has crippled him and others, such as Milo (Smith), his entire life.  He's so desperate that he's willing to cross ethical and legal lines to find a cure.  His latest idea, crossing human and bat DNA, has cured him of his disease, but unfortunately it has given him something far, far worse: a case of vampirism.

Espinosa goes full throttle from the opening titles.  It never slows down, and as a consequence, it's nearly impossible to care about Michael or anyone else.  No one in this movie gains much of a personality, but at least the actors try their best.  Jared Leto, always an interesting actor, doesn't phone it in or camp it up.  He takes the role seriously, and that grounds the story and the character.  His co-star, Matt Smith, is having a ball playing the villain.  His predicament is the same but he has welcomed its consequences with open arms.  This is an interesting take on a villain, but not much is done with it.  Adria Arjona doesn't have much to do as his co-worker/love interest Martine other than to look cute.  That's more than can be said for Jared Harris, whose character serves no purpose whatsoever except look horrified and be put in danger.

Its failure to draw in the audience only highlights just how dumb it is.  For such a brilliant man, Michael displays some obvious lapses in intelligence.  During the first twenty minutes, he and Martine constantly debate the ethical and legal implications of combining DNA.  Uh, this sort of genetic tampering goes on every day.  You'd think a doctor would know that.  And if he wants to keep his work a secret, then why do it on a boat with pirates?  I know, I know, just so they can fill body bags when the experiment goes wrong.

So "Morbius" doesn't work.  But it at least tries to do something new.  And it has some cool special effects.  But it lost me very early and the seams in the story became obvious and were shown far too often.    I mean, when a monster rips a person's throat out and there's no blood, it's hard to take seriously.