Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
2.5/4
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Pihla Viitala, Thomas Mann, Peter Stormare
Rated R for Strong Fantasy Horror Violence and Gore, Brief Sexuality/Nudity and Language
"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" would be a guilty pleasure if it had more little pleasures. The plot is thinner than one-ply toilet paper and the performances are lazy all around. Still, the fight scenes are pretty cool.
As young children, Hansel and Gretel were abandoned by their father in the middle of the woods. They find their way to a house that, as we all know, is made of candy. Inside, they find an ugly witch who wants to cook them alive. But she is defeated by her two captives and roasted herself. Now, these two orphans have grown up to become Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton): Witch Hunters. But with more and more kids being snatched by evil witches, it becomes clear that the Grand High Witch, a nasty piece of work named Muriel (Janssen) is planning something...
The acting is surprisingly flat. None of the cast members appear to be working hard. Renner and Arterton are sleepwalking their way to big paychecks, and Janssen hams it up, although not nearly enough. Peter Stormare is utterly wasted. The only ones who distinguish themselves are Finnish actress Pihla Viitala as Hansel's love interest and Thomas Mann as the groupie. Both are good.
The problem is that there's really not much here. The plot is way too simple and the characters are undeveloped. Not only are they undeveloped (although their relationship is close to incestuous at times), they're stupid. First off, the "big plan" isn't going to do what the witches say. It will solve part of their problem, but not all of it. Second, the characters talk way too much. I know, I know, this is expected in a movie like this, but Hansel & Gretel also suffer from "talking killer" syndrome (or in this case, should that be "talking hero?"). Even worse, the one-liners lack any sort of wit or punch.
There are a few clever moments here and there. A number of witches are dispatched in cool ways (some provoked chuckles that I think were intentional), and a few pop culture references (with Middle Age terminology).
Look, this isn't great art. It's not even great popcorn entertainment. I don't recommend it (especially not the 3D, although the opening credits look really cool in the glasses), but for what it is, it's at least not terrible.
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Pihla Viitala, Thomas Mann, Peter Stormare
Rated R for Strong Fantasy Horror Violence and Gore, Brief Sexuality/Nudity and Language
"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" would be a guilty pleasure if it had more little pleasures. The plot is thinner than one-ply toilet paper and the performances are lazy all around. Still, the fight scenes are pretty cool.
As young children, Hansel and Gretel were abandoned by their father in the middle of the woods. They find their way to a house that, as we all know, is made of candy. Inside, they find an ugly witch who wants to cook them alive. But she is defeated by her two captives and roasted herself. Now, these two orphans have grown up to become Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton): Witch Hunters. But with more and more kids being snatched by evil witches, it becomes clear that the Grand High Witch, a nasty piece of work named Muriel (Janssen) is planning something...
The acting is surprisingly flat. None of the cast members appear to be working hard. Renner and Arterton are sleepwalking their way to big paychecks, and Janssen hams it up, although not nearly enough. Peter Stormare is utterly wasted. The only ones who distinguish themselves are Finnish actress Pihla Viitala as Hansel's love interest and Thomas Mann as the groupie. Both are good.
The problem is that there's really not much here. The plot is way too simple and the characters are undeveloped. Not only are they undeveloped (although their relationship is close to incestuous at times), they're stupid. First off, the "big plan" isn't going to do what the witches say. It will solve part of their problem, but not all of it. Second, the characters talk way too much. I know, I know, this is expected in a movie like this, but Hansel & Gretel also suffer from "talking killer" syndrome (or in this case, should that be "talking hero?"). Even worse, the one-liners lack any sort of wit or punch.
There are a few clever moments here and there. A number of witches are dispatched in cool ways (some provoked chuckles that I think were intentional), and a few pop culture references (with Middle Age terminology).
Look, this isn't great art. It's not even great popcorn entertainment. I don't recommend it (especially not the 3D, although the opening credits look really cool in the glasses), but for what it is, it's at least not terrible.
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