Mike's Musings: The Bottom 10 of 2012
Another year, another Bottom 10 list. I saw more movies in theaters this year so the movies on both my Top and Bottom list are more appropriately chosen. My best friend was skeptical that I put "Bridesmaids" on my Top 10 list last year. I would have been too, but I didn't see enough movies. Ditto for the Bottom 10 list. All movies on this list have a 1/4 or less.
Looking back, there are more 1.5/4 movies and below, so it feels like there were more bad movies than good ones, despite everyone's beliefs to the contrary. I share those views; this was a great year for movies. Keep in mind, however, that 0 to 1.5 encompasses 4 ratings, while the Top 10 (3.5/4) encompasses 2. So really it's not so bad.
Enough prattling on...
(Dis)Honorable Mention: "Lawless." Honestly, I can't remember why I gave this a 1.5/4 rather than a 1/4...in my mind it seems to be worse than the Madea movie, but I'm not going to revisit them to figure out why. This movie makes zero sense and it wastes the powerful acting skills of Tom Hardy and forces him to create one of the year's most annoying characters. Bottom of the barrel indeed.
10. "Madea's Witness Protection." Tyler Perry has a lot of fans in the black community (which isn't surprising since that's who he makes the movies for). He also has a lot of fans in the gay community, which is surprising (maybe it's because the lead character is Tyler Perry dressed in drag). I've only seen one movie with the salty Madea, and based on the evidence, I have no desire to see any more. It's badly acted, messily plotted and only contains a few laughs.
9. "Total Recall." After viewing "Underworld," I didn't think that Len Wiseman had much talent as a filmmaker. It was corny but incoherent. He appeared to believe he was making a music video rather than a feature film. But nothing prepared me for the unglorious badness of his "Total Recall" remake. Who could think that a movie that had so much going on could be so boring? This is a total waste of $200 million. I was glad that it failed at the box office because then we wouldn't get a sequel, but somehow Universal selected Wiseman to helm the reboot to "The Mummy" franchise (which I like a hell of a lot better than the original "Total Recall"). Sob!
8. "Rock of Ages." I love musicals. I really do. Even a mediocre musical like "Joyful Noise" is something I can enjoy (although I haven't seen the notorious "Xanadu"). But "Rock of Ages" is a dead zone. It's lifeless and a complete bore. Whether it's because Adam Shankman didn't open it up for the film version or because, by the nature of its setting, it was unfilmable, "Rock of Ages" is a "Bore of Ages."
7. "Hope Springs." I never thought it was possible. Unless she decided to appear in a Wes Anderson movie (she did provide a voice for his animated kids film "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," which I haven't seen), there's no way I could have predicted that Meryl Streep could have ended up on the Bottom 10 list. It's not her fault. She's wonderful as always. But she must have misread the script, which is superficial and not intriguing enough for a direct-to-DVD movie. Streep is one of the best actresses who ever lived, but not even she can save this movie. As they say, everyone makes mistakes.
6. "John Carter." Looking back on it, it's not hard to see why Disney thought "John Carter" would work: it's a beloved book series (and has sequels), and director Andrew Adamson has made a number of classic movies for Pixar. So far so good, but they missed out on two important things that sunk the project: a coherent script and a lead who can act. Taylor Kitsch looks good, but despite creating a supposedly memorable character in the TV show "Friday Night Lights," he can't act. No wonder this turned into one of the biggest cinematic bombs in history. Remember, Hollywood, visual appeal may be important, but it's not everything.
5. "The Cold Light of Day." As glad as I am that this not a remake, sequel or based on a book/comic book/toy/TV show, it might have been better if it was. This movie sucks. The only good thing about it is a slumming Sigourney Weaver, and it's too low profile for anyone to worry about "Man of Steel."
4. "Hit & Run." Dax Shepard must be a really nice guy in real life. He's engaged to Kristen Bell, one of Hollywood's rising stars, and he got a bunch of people to agree to appear in this stinker. Actually, this was a "just for fun" movie with his friends, since half the budget went to getting the rights for the music. If only that money went into the script. At first it's almost hypnotically weird, but then you realize it's not going anywhere at all.
3. "The Man with the Iron Fists." I'm not a big B-movie fan. It takes a really silly bad movie ("Texas Chainsaw 3D" for example) for me to enjoy it. But "The Man with the Iron Fists" is one of those cheesy B-movies that Quentin Tarantino based his overrated "Kill Bill" saga off of. It's not my thing, but that's not why it sucks. It's badly acted, senseless and ineptly filmed. That's a problem that is not par for the course with these movies.
2. "Moonrise Kingdom." I really don't understand Wes Anderson's appeal. I like to think that I have a fairly wide range of humor, but this is comatose. Dramatic pauses are fine for some films, but not for every joke. A lot of people commented on the emotional ring of truth between the two lovebirds. I'm wondering if saw the same movie. First off, Anderson's style is so distancing that it's impossible to feel for anyone. Second of all, the two lovebirds are bizarre caricatures with no resemblance to how normal people would act, making it impossible to relate to them. And on top of that the film is just plain boring and pretentious.
1. "Wanderlust." What does it say about a film that is less funny than a movie by Wes Anderson? Words fail me about "Wanderlust." You have Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd, two able comedians, and the creators of "Role Models." How could this go wrong? But it does go wrong. Very wrong.
Looking back, there are more 1.5/4 movies and below, so it feels like there were more bad movies than good ones, despite everyone's beliefs to the contrary. I share those views; this was a great year for movies. Keep in mind, however, that 0 to 1.5 encompasses 4 ratings, while the Top 10 (3.5/4) encompasses 2. So really it's not so bad.
Enough prattling on...
(Dis)Honorable Mention: "Lawless." Honestly, I can't remember why I gave this a 1.5/4 rather than a 1/4...in my mind it seems to be worse than the Madea movie, but I'm not going to revisit them to figure out why. This movie makes zero sense and it wastes the powerful acting skills of Tom Hardy and forces him to create one of the year's most annoying characters. Bottom of the barrel indeed.
10. "Madea's Witness Protection." Tyler Perry has a lot of fans in the black community (which isn't surprising since that's who he makes the movies for). He also has a lot of fans in the gay community, which is surprising (maybe it's because the lead character is Tyler Perry dressed in drag). I've only seen one movie with the salty Madea, and based on the evidence, I have no desire to see any more. It's badly acted, messily plotted and only contains a few laughs.
9. "Total Recall." After viewing "Underworld," I didn't think that Len Wiseman had much talent as a filmmaker. It was corny but incoherent. He appeared to believe he was making a music video rather than a feature film. But nothing prepared me for the unglorious badness of his "Total Recall" remake. Who could think that a movie that had so much going on could be so boring? This is a total waste of $200 million. I was glad that it failed at the box office because then we wouldn't get a sequel, but somehow Universal selected Wiseman to helm the reboot to "The Mummy" franchise (which I like a hell of a lot better than the original "Total Recall"). Sob!
8. "Rock of Ages." I love musicals. I really do. Even a mediocre musical like "Joyful Noise" is something I can enjoy (although I haven't seen the notorious "Xanadu"). But "Rock of Ages" is a dead zone. It's lifeless and a complete bore. Whether it's because Adam Shankman didn't open it up for the film version or because, by the nature of its setting, it was unfilmable, "Rock of Ages" is a "Bore of Ages."
7. "Hope Springs." I never thought it was possible. Unless she decided to appear in a Wes Anderson movie (she did provide a voice for his animated kids film "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," which I haven't seen), there's no way I could have predicted that Meryl Streep could have ended up on the Bottom 10 list. It's not her fault. She's wonderful as always. But she must have misread the script, which is superficial and not intriguing enough for a direct-to-DVD movie. Streep is one of the best actresses who ever lived, but not even she can save this movie. As they say, everyone makes mistakes.
6. "John Carter." Looking back on it, it's not hard to see why Disney thought "John Carter" would work: it's a beloved book series (and has sequels), and director Andrew Adamson has made a number of classic movies for Pixar. So far so good, but they missed out on two important things that sunk the project: a coherent script and a lead who can act. Taylor Kitsch looks good, but despite creating a supposedly memorable character in the TV show "Friday Night Lights," he can't act. No wonder this turned into one of the biggest cinematic bombs in history. Remember, Hollywood, visual appeal may be important, but it's not everything.
5. "The Cold Light of Day." As glad as I am that this not a remake, sequel or based on a book/comic book/toy/TV show, it might have been better if it was. This movie sucks. The only good thing about it is a slumming Sigourney Weaver, and it's too low profile for anyone to worry about "Man of Steel."
4. "Hit & Run." Dax Shepard must be a really nice guy in real life. He's engaged to Kristen Bell, one of Hollywood's rising stars, and he got a bunch of people to agree to appear in this stinker. Actually, this was a "just for fun" movie with his friends, since half the budget went to getting the rights for the music. If only that money went into the script. At first it's almost hypnotically weird, but then you realize it's not going anywhere at all.
3. "The Man with the Iron Fists." I'm not a big B-movie fan. It takes a really silly bad movie ("Texas Chainsaw 3D" for example) for me to enjoy it. But "The Man with the Iron Fists" is one of those cheesy B-movies that Quentin Tarantino based his overrated "Kill Bill" saga off of. It's not my thing, but that's not why it sucks. It's badly acted, senseless and ineptly filmed. That's a problem that is not par for the course with these movies.
2. "Moonrise Kingdom." I really don't understand Wes Anderson's appeal. I like to think that I have a fairly wide range of humor, but this is comatose. Dramatic pauses are fine for some films, but not for every joke. A lot of people commented on the emotional ring of truth between the two lovebirds. I'm wondering if saw the same movie. First off, Anderson's style is so distancing that it's impossible to feel for anyone. Second of all, the two lovebirds are bizarre caricatures with no resemblance to how normal people would act, making it impossible to relate to them. And on top of that the film is just plain boring and pretentious.
1. "Wanderlust." What does it say about a film that is less funny than a movie by Wes Anderson? Words fail me about "Wanderlust." You have Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd, two able comedians, and the creators of "Role Models." How could this go wrong? But it does go wrong. Very wrong.
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