10,000 B.C.
3/4
Starring: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Joel Virgel, Mona Hammond, and the voice of Omar Sharif
Rated PG-13 for Sequences of Intense Action and Violence
By nearly every critical standard, "10,000 B.C." is a terrible movie. The plot could charitably be called thin, the acting is awful, the dialogue is embarrassing (the narration by Omar Sharif seems to never end as well) and the CGI is unbelievable cheesy. And yet, there is an admittedly perverse enjoyment to be found within Roland Emmerich's ancient "epic." The first half is loaded with laughs (none of which are intentional) and the second half features some truly impressive visuals.
The story doesn't make a lot of sense, mainly due to the poor writing (by Emmerich and longtime composer Harald Kloser). Much of it has to do with some sort of prophecy involving the town outcast, D'Leh (Strait), whose father abandoned the tribe, and Evolet (Belle), the girl who was brought to their tribe when hers was annihilated. Anyway, as the first part of the prophecy is nearing completion, a group of marauders attack and kidnap many of the tribesmen. D'Leh, who has loved Evolet for a long time, volunteers to go find them. Also tagging along are Tic'Tic (Curtis), his father figure, and two others from the tribe. What begins as a simple rescue mission ends up being a fight for freedom.
This movie is so silly that it's hard to take seriously. The characters are so dense that it becomes funny. D'Leh is such bad rescuer that when he first catches up with Evolet's captors, he ends up with some of his companions being captured instead of freeing his people. There are at least two more "rousing speeches" than is necessary, and the true villains look almost like drag queens. And then there's the hair...did Bob Marley take a trip back in time and spread his seed high in the mountains?
The acting is uniformly terrible, but much of that is due to the fact that the dialogue they are supposed to utter is abysmal. I get that it's 10,000 B.C., so speech isn't a refined science at the time (I'm guessing), but a little broken English goes a long way. Here, every word seems like something out of a bad foreign film dub.
Once the film gets out of the forest (which is a pretty big steal from "The Mummy Returns"), the film takes off. Sure, the CGI animals are never convincing in the slightest (the Woolly Mammonths, called Manneks in the movie, are the exception), but I liked that aspect of it. It gives the film an "other-worldly" feel that is further enhanced by the cinematography by Ueil Steiger.
The film would be a lot better had the editing been close to competent. The movie is hard to follow due to the poor job by editor Alexander Berner (who, ironically, also edited "Cloud Atlas").
Taken together, the film is fun. Get a bunch of your friends together, a lot of beer, and you'll have a great time. Or if you just like cheesy movies, then being drunk isn't a requirement.
Starring: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Joel Virgel, Mona Hammond, and the voice of Omar Sharif
Rated PG-13 for Sequences of Intense Action and Violence
By nearly every critical standard, "10,000 B.C." is a terrible movie. The plot could charitably be called thin, the acting is awful, the dialogue is embarrassing (the narration by Omar Sharif seems to never end as well) and the CGI is unbelievable cheesy. And yet, there is an admittedly perverse enjoyment to be found within Roland Emmerich's ancient "epic." The first half is loaded with laughs (none of which are intentional) and the second half features some truly impressive visuals.
The story doesn't make a lot of sense, mainly due to the poor writing (by Emmerich and longtime composer Harald Kloser). Much of it has to do with some sort of prophecy involving the town outcast, D'Leh (Strait), whose father abandoned the tribe, and Evolet (Belle), the girl who was brought to their tribe when hers was annihilated. Anyway, as the first part of the prophecy is nearing completion, a group of marauders attack and kidnap many of the tribesmen. D'Leh, who has loved Evolet for a long time, volunteers to go find them. Also tagging along are Tic'Tic (Curtis), his father figure, and two others from the tribe. What begins as a simple rescue mission ends up being a fight for freedom.
This movie is so silly that it's hard to take seriously. The characters are so dense that it becomes funny. D'Leh is such bad rescuer that when he first catches up with Evolet's captors, he ends up with some of his companions being captured instead of freeing his people. There are at least two more "rousing speeches" than is necessary, and the true villains look almost like drag queens. And then there's the hair...did Bob Marley take a trip back in time and spread his seed high in the mountains?
The acting is uniformly terrible, but much of that is due to the fact that the dialogue they are supposed to utter is abysmal. I get that it's 10,000 B.C., so speech isn't a refined science at the time (I'm guessing), but a little broken English goes a long way. Here, every word seems like something out of a bad foreign film dub.
Once the film gets out of the forest (which is a pretty big steal from "The Mummy Returns"), the film takes off. Sure, the CGI animals are never convincing in the slightest (the Woolly Mammonths, called Manneks in the movie, are the exception), but I liked that aspect of it. It gives the film an "other-worldly" feel that is further enhanced by the cinematography by Ueil Steiger.
The film would be a lot better had the editing been close to competent. The movie is hard to follow due to the poor job by editor Alexander Berner (who, ironically, also edited "Cloud Atlas").
Taken together, the film is fun. Get a bunch of your friends together, a lot of beer, and you'll have a great time. Or if you just like cheesy movies, then being drunk isn't a requirement.
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