Strangeland
0/4
Starring: Kevin Gage, Dee Snider, Brett Harrelson, Elizabeth Pena, Linda Cardellini, Robert Englund, Amy Smart
Rated R for Strong Graphic Torture/Violence, Language, Nudity, Sexuality
The good thing about Netflix is that I'm getting the chance to see movies that intrigued me as a kid, but never got the chance to see. "The Bodyguard," "In Dreams," "Mercury Rising," "The Faculty," "Supernova," "I Know What You Did Last Summer." The list goes on.
I remember going to see a movie at the Esquire movie theater (which is located near me) and seeing the poster for "Strangeland." It showed a girl with her mouth sewn shut. It was shocking, and it burned a place in my mind (had I been older, I probably would have seen the movie). Fifteen years later, I have finally gotten the chance to see it.
For whatever reason, the movies above have turned out to be awful (only "The Faculty" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" are worth seeing). But "Strangeland," written by Dee Snider, the frontrunner of the heavy metal band Twisted Sister, is the worst. Not only is it exceedingly dumb and not the least bit scary, it's downright sick.
Genevive Gage (Cardellini) and her friend Tiana (Amal Rhoe) are on an internet chatroom talking to a hot stud with the screen name of CaptHowdy (short for Captain Howdy). Within a few minutes, he invites them to a party. What they don't know is that the Captain is not a hunky high school student. He's a vicious sadomasochist named Carlton Hendricks (Snider), who tortures them mercilessly. Genevive's parents are worried sick, and her father, Detective Mike Gage (Gage) is on his trail.
Rarely has a movie so continuously and obviously insulted the intelligence of the audience. Every character in this movie is so dense that it's amazing that they could find themselves in a plot. Mike is probably the dumbest cop in history and the most oblivious parent. He conducts his own daughter's case (surely there are procedures against something like this from happening). He unplugs his daughter's computer when he should be investigating it (and he doesn't go through it until his niece (the wonderful Amy Smart) shows him how to do it). He can barely comprehend the computer's basic functions. His partner is equally dense. Captain Howdy is supposed to be the psychologically superior villain, but he is baited so easily that the only thing that continuously saves him is that the cops are dumber than he is.
The acting is just as bad. Kevin Gage was chilling as Waingro in Michael Mann's "Heat" (which is what put him on Dee Snider's radar for the role), but he appears to have either forgotten how to act or would rather be anywhere else. He's either bored, over-the-top, or just plan terrible. Likewise, Elizabeth Pena, a talented actress in her own right ("Rush Hour," "Transamerica") is also horrible. Bret Harrelson is the worst of the lot as Mike's equally dense partner Steve. Ditto for Robert Englund, forever typecast as a horror movie villain, but he has almost nothing to do. Dee Snider could be more menacing if his dialogue, which consists of the obligatory philosophical musings, wasn't so unintentionally funny. The only ones who give legitimate performances are the girls, but they're only afforded token screen time.
Director John Pieplow has absolutely no idea what he is doing. Subplots and characters fall in and out at random, cutaways are as clumsy as they are frequent, the whole thing lacks atmosphere and it never establishes a narrative flow.
Part of the reason is that the film has a script that is worse than "Twilight: New Moon." The characters' lines only exist to move the plot along, the red herrings couldn't be more obvious, and the characters don't have a single brain cell between them.
Dee Snider had high aspirations for this movie. He was "scared" by the anonymity of the internet after his child was born in the early nineties, and wanted to warn people of its potential dangers. He also tried to make a movie that warranted comparison to "Seven" and "The Silence of the Lambs." Too bad it comes across as a public service announcement that's an insult to David Fincher and Jonathan Demme.
Then there's the violence. I have nothing against graphic violence or torture in movies. They have their places (both "Seven" and "The Silence of the Lambs" featured them). But here, it's just plain sick. There's so much of it and it's so graphic that it becomes revolting rather than scary. Had Pipelow taken the "less is more" approach (showing some of the things that are described would have resulted in an NC-17 and caused massive walkouts...if they haven't left already considering the low quality of the production) and used real characters and conflict, it might have worked. As it is, it's just a stupid and repulsive excuse for a film.
Starring: Kevin Gage, Dee Snider, Brett Harrelson, Elizabeth Pena, Linda Cardellini, Robert Englund, Amy Smart
Rated R for Strong Graphic Torture/Violence, Language, Nudity, Sexuality
The good thing about Netflix is that I'm getting the chance to see movies that intrigued me as a kid, but never got the chance to see. "The Bodyguard," "In Dreams," "Mercury Rising," "The Faculty," "Supernova," "I Know What You Did Last Summer." The list goes on.
I remember going to see a movie at the Esquire movie theater (which is located near me) and seeing the poster for "Strangeland." It showed a girl with her mouth sewn shut. It was shocking, and it burned a place in my mind (had I been older, I probably would have seen the movie). Fifteen years later, I have finally gotten the chance to see it.
For whatever reason, the movies above have turned out to be awful (only "The Faculty" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" are worth seeing). But "Strangeland," written by Dee Snider, the frontrunner of the heavy metal band Twisted Sister, is the worst. Not only is it exceedingly dumb and not the least bit scary, it's downright sick.
Genevive Gage (Cardellini) and her friend Tiana (Amal Rhoe) are on an internet chatroom talking to a hot stud with the screen name of CaptHowdy (short for Captain Howdy). Within a few minutes, he invites them to a party. What they don't know is that the Captain is not a hunky high school student. He's a vicious sadomasochist named Carlton Hendricks (Snider), who tortures them mercilessly. Genevive's parents are worried sick, and her father, Detective Mike Gage (Gage) is on his trail.
Rarely has a movie so continuously and obviously insulted the intelligence of the audience. Every character in this movie is so dense that it's amazing that they could find themselves in a plot. Mike is probably the dumbest cop in history and the most oblivious parent. He conducts his own daughter's case (surely there are procedures against something like this from happening). He unplugs his daughter's computer when he should be investigating it (and he doesn't go through it until his niece (the wonderful Amy Smart) shows him how to do it). He can barely comprehend the computer's basic functions. His partner is equally dense. Captain Howdy is supposed to be the psychologically superior villain, but he is baited so easily that the only thing that continuously saves him is that the cops are dumber than he is.
The acting is just as bad. Kevin Gage was chilling as Waingro in Michael Mann's "Heat" (which is what put him on Dee Snider's radar for the role), but he appears to have either forgotten how to act or would rather be anywhere else. He's either bored, over-the-top, or just plan terrible. Likewise, Elizabeth Pena, a talented actress in her own right ("Rush Hour," "Transamerica") is also horrible. Bret Harrelson is the worst of the lot as Mike's equally dense partner Steve. Ditto for Robert Englund, forever typecast as a horror movie villain, but he has almost nothing to do. Dee Snider could be more menacing if his dialogue, which consists of the obligatory philosophical musings, wasn't so unintentionally funny. The only ones who give legitimate performances are the girls, but they're only afforded token screen time.
Director John Pieplow has absolutely no idea what he is doing. Subplots and characters fall in and out at random, cutaways are as clumsy as they are frequent, the whole thing lacks atmosphere and it never establishes a narrative flow.
Part of the reason is that the film has a script that is worse than "Twilight: New Moon." The characters' lines only exist to move the plot along, the red herrings couldn't be more obvious, and the characters don't have a single brain cell between them.
Dee Snider had high aspirations for this movie. He was "scared" by the anonymity of the internet after his child was born in the early nineties, and wanted to warn people of its potential dangers. He also tried to make a movie that warranted comparison to "Seven" and "The Silence of the Lambs." Too bad it comes across as a public service announcement that's an insult to David Fincher and Jonathan Demme.
Then there's the violence. I have nothing against graphic violence or torture in movies. They have their places (both "Seven" and "The Silence of the Lambs" featured them). But here, it's just plain sick. There's so much of it and it's so graphic that it becomes revolting rather than scary. Had Pipelow taken the "less is more" approach (showing some of the things that are described would have resulted in an NC-17 and caused massive walkouts...if they haven't left already considering the low quality of the production) and used real characters and conflict, it might have worked. As it is, it's just a stupid and repulsive excuse for a film.
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