The Colony

1.5/4

Starring: Kevin Zegers, Laurence Fishburne, Bill Paxton, Charlotte Sullivan, Atticus Mitchell

Not Rated (probable R for Strong Violence/Gore and Language)

There is a niche that "The Colony" fits into.  It's small and not where any self-respecting movie wants to be, but it is there.  It's the kind of movie that is ideal for insomniacs: there's enough going on that you're not actively wishing a horrible death for director Jeff Renfroe (who co-wrote the screenplay), but it's so deadly dull that you'll be joining Little Nemo before the plot actually starts.

"The Colony" is a post-apocalyptic thriller (a term I use only to describe the genre it aspires to, since this film is completely devoid of suspense) that's a mix of "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Dawn of the Dead."  Apparently, the attempts to control the weather to battle global warming have majorly backfired, and the Earth is in a new Ice Age.  Humans are an endangered species, and by the looks of it, nothing else has survived.  The ones who are still alive are barely eking out an existence in compounds that look like the prison in "Eye See You."

Anyway, Colony 5 has just received a distress signal from Colony 7.  The leader, a man named Briggs (Fishburne), decides to go investigate, leaving his hard-ass second in command, Mason (Paxton) in charge.  Going with Briggs are Sam (Zegers) and Graydon (Mitchell).  At Colony 5, they find some good news: the sun has started shining on one area of the globe.  It's also infested by zombies (or something).

Let me come right out and say it: the majority of the film's problems lie at the feet of Jeff Renfroe.  He has three reliable actors and can't get a decent performance out of anyone.  The fight scenes look sloppy and appear unrehearsed.  Atmosphere is non-existent.  And don't get me started about the intelligence level, which starts out dumb and gets more and more stupid as the film goes on.

At least we have Zegers, Fishburne and Paxton to fall back on.  Kevin Zegers deserves far more attention and respect than he gets (he played Felicity Huffman's son in "Transamerica," among other roles), and provides as solid an anchor as possible under the circumstances.  Laurence Fishburne and especially Bill Paxton appear to be bored out of their minds, but they're among the elite crop of actors who are probably incapable of giving a truly awful performance.  Their two co-stars, Charlotte Sullivan and Atticus Mitchell, are not as impressive.  Sullivan looks kind of cute, but she can't act.  Mitchell, on the other hand, is profoundly irritating.

While watching "The Colony," a new general nitpick arose in me.  Can we just lose the scenes where the characters run into zombies without knowing what they are?  No one who has seen a zombie movie or experienced today's pop culture will be unaware of what a zombie is.  If their skin looks like stone, they have blood all over them and try to eat you, guess what?  They're a zombie!  I'll admit that things may be a little different in this case, since the zombies possess all of their body parts and use weapons.  But they have skin the color of stone, are covered in blood, and eat people.

Aside from this quibble and Renfroe's probable pretension, you're still left with a really bad movie.

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