Pet Sematary
1.5/4
Starring: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby, Blaze Berdahl, Miko Hughes, Brad Greenquist
Rated R (probably for Horror Violence and Gore, and for Brief Language)
Don't mess with Indian burial grounds.
Anyone who knows horror movies knows that sites where ancient Indians buried their dead are best avoided. In "Poltergeist" (I'm going to pretend that its dreadful remake doesn't exist), a family was on the wrong end of some very pissed off spirits. In "Pet Sematary," the dead come back to life, and it ain't a pretty sight.
The Creeds, Dr. Louis (Midkiff), his wife Rachel (Crosby), and their two children, Ellie (Berdahl) and Gage (Hughes), have moved to a new home in Massachusetts. Their neighbor across the busy highway is the old man, Jud Crandall (Gwynne), who knows all about the pet cemetery just a stone's throw away from the house. When Ellie's beloved cat Church (named after Winston Churchill, of all things), is run over by a semi, he tells Louis how to temporarily resurrect him so Ellie can come to terms with it. But when a worse tragedy strikes, Louis does the same thing, only with much worse results.
As a horror movie, "Pet Sematary" is an abject failure. Apart from a few mildly spooky moments, this is devoid of anything resembling tension. But as a piece of camp, it's on more solid ground. I won't say it's good in any sense of the word, but the movie has its share of laugh out loud moments. None of which are intentional. Some of it comes from overacting. Other times its because of the utter idiocy displayed by the characters, who are so dumb I began wishing for them all to die for the sole purpose of protecting the human gene pool. Or it's because the characters act based on information they couldn't possibly have.
The acting is uniformly awful. In a way, that adds to some of the film's campy charm (just about any scene that's intended to be serious is uproariously funny), but a little of that goes a long way. In this case, really long. Dale Midkiff is the worst of the lot, bringing to mind Eric Freeman from "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2" (which is saying a lot). "Star Trek: The Next Generation" mainstay Denise Crosby appears as his wife, although based on the evidence, it's hard to imagine why she got a role on "TNG" since she's so awful. Like her on-screen husband, her performance is worse than a daytime TV soap opera. The only one worth mentioning is Fred Gwynne, who is a long way from "The Munsters." Although his part is horribly written, he's the best thing in it.
I would say that this movie is "so bad it's good," but that would be a lie. This movie is "so bad it's bad, although not quite an unwatchable train wreck, at least compared to some other would-be horror flicks." It's a mouthful, but that's the best way to describe it. Director Mary Lambert is in over her head, with tight TV shots and very little atmosphere. It's also incoherent at times and fatally dumb.
I suppose this could be a movie for "bad movie night," provided you're with some quick-witted friends and have plenty of alcohol. As in a lot. Other than that, don't bother.
Starring: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby, Blaze Berdahl, Miko Hughes, Brad Greenquist
Rated R (probably for Horror Violence and Gore, and for Brief Language)
Don't mess with Indian burial grounds.
Anyone who knows horror movies knows that sites where ancient Indians buried their dead are best avoided. In "Poltergeist" (I'm going to pretend that its dreadful remake doesn't exist), a family was on the wrong end of some very pissed off spirits. In "Pet Sematary," the dead come back to life, and it ain't a pretty sight.
The Creeds, Dr. Louis (Midkiff), his wife Rachel (Crosby), and their two children, Ellie (Berdahl) and Gage (Hughes), have moved to a new home in Massachusetts. Their neighbor across the busy highway is the old man, Jud Crandall (Gwynne), who knows all about the pet cemetery just a stone's throw away from the house. When Ellie's beloved cat Church (named after Winston Churchill, of all things), is run over by a semi, he tells Louis how to temporarily resurrect him so Ellie can come to terms with it. But when a worse tragedy strikes, Louis does the same thing, only with much worse results.
As a horror movie, "Pet Sematary" is an abject failure. Apart from a few mildly spooky moments, this is devoid of anything resembling tension. But as a piece of camp, it's on more solid ground. I won't say it's good in any sense of the word, but the movie has its share of laugh out loud moments. None of which are intentional. Some of it comes from overacting. Other times its because of the utter idiocy displayed by the characters, who are so dumb I began wishing for them all to die for the sole purpose of protecting the human gene pool. Or it's because the characters act based on information they couldn't possibly have.
The acting is uniformly awful. In a way, that adds to some of the film's campy charm (just about any scene that's intended to be serious is uproariously funny), but a little of that goes a long way. In this case, really long. Dale Midkiff is the worst of the lot, bringing to mind Eric Freeman from "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2" (which is saying a lot). "Star Trek: The Next Generation" mainstay Denise Crosby appears as his wife, although based on the evidence, it's hard to imagine why she got a role on "TNG" since she's so awful. Like her on-screen husband, her performance is worse than a daytime TV soap opera. The only one worth mentioning is Fred Gwynne, who is a long way from "The Munsters." Although his part is horribly written, he's the best thing in it.
I would say that this movie is "so bad it's good," but that would be a lie. This movie is "so bad it's bad, although not quite an unwatchable train wreck, at least compared to some other would-be horror flicks." It's a mouthful, but that's the best way to describe it. Director Mary Lambert is in over her head, with tight TV shots and very little atmosphere. It's also incoherent at times and fatally dumb.
I suppose this could be a movie for "bad movie night," provided you're with some quick-witted friends and have plenty of alcohol. As in a lot. Other than that, don't bother.
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