War on Everyone
1/4
Starring: Michael Pena, Alexander Skarsgaard, Tessa Thompson, Theo James, Caleb Landry Jones, Paul Reiser, David Wilmot, Malcolm Barrett
Rated R for Violence, Sexuality/Nudity, Drug Use and Pervasive Language
"War on Everyone" is bad in ways few movies are. In addition to being tedious and unfunny, its attempts at being quirky and offbeat just make it surreal. That doesn't make the film any better, but there you have it. It's like bad Quentin Tarantino mixed with bad David Lynch. Oh, and it's also pretentious and nonsensical, too. The movie is nothing but inclusive when it comes to adjectives that describe its poor quality.
This movie has virtually no plot. It's a dead zone. If you are paying attention (and don't cause your brain to spontaneously combust in the process), there's something about two gleefully corrupt cops named Terry Monroe (Skarsgaard) and Bob Bolano (Pena) investigating a robbery involving a British businessman named Lord James Mangan (James), his androgynous right-hand man/woman Russell Birdwell (Jones), a sexpot named Jackie Hollis (Thompson) whose involvement is never made clear, and a pair of snitches (Wilmot and Barrett).
If anyone unfortunate enough to sit through this utter failure of a black comedy understood more about the plot than this, I extend my heartiest congratulations. Either you "got" what director John Michael McDonagh was going for, or you're lying and saying you did to get some intellectual cred. Since everyone knows how much I despise such wannabe cineastes and bash them every chance I can get in my reviews, my guess is that such people don't read anything I write which leaves only option number one.
The film boasts a strong cast of character actors and rising stars, but I would suggest to them that they leave this title off their resumes. They certainly don't have anything to be proud of in this movie. Michael Pena appears to be doing a Wes Anderson version of Seth Rogen, which is all that needs to be said. Alexander Skarsgaard looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Tessa Thompson brings the same kind of worldliness that makes Lisa Bonet so interesting, but she has nothing to do. Theo James is uneven. And Caleb Landry Jones wins hands down the competition for the most irritating performance of 2017.
There's a lot of dialogue in this movie and a bit of slapstick and gratuitous violence for good measure. They make passes for quirky and funny, but it doesn't succeed as either. Okay, so there are a handful of clever one-liners,l and I did like the opening scene with a drug-dealing mime, but all told there are about two minutes of decent material in this movie, and it's 100 minutes long. That leaves 88 minutes of utter boredom.
McDonagh tries to be hip and smart by having a running gag (a term I use with purpose) revolving around famous quotes by famous people and other "philosophical" conversations, but rather than being funny or illuminating, they're pretentious and pathetic. Name dropping Simone de Beauvoir and Aeneas doesn't make the movie any smarter. Just desperate to appeal to the arthouse crowd in a movie that shouldn't have bothered.
So "War on Everyone" is stupid, pretentious, badly acted and boring. I forgot to mention that it's also almost completely incoherent and totally pointless. I think that covers it.
Starring: Michael Pena, Alexander Skarsgaard, Tessa Thompson, Theo James, Caleb Landry Jones, Paul Reiser, David Wilmot, Malcolm Barrett
Rated R for Violence, Sexuality/Nudity, Drug Use and Pervasive Language
"War on Everyone" is bad in ways few movies are. In addition to being tedious and unfunny, its attempts at being quirky and offbeat just make it surreal. That doesn't make the film any better, but there you have it. It's like bad Quentin Tarantino mixed with bad David Lynch. Oh, and it's also pretentious and nonsensical, too. The movie is nothing but inclusive when it comes to adjectives that describe its poor quality.
This movie has virtually no plot. It's a dead zone. If you are paying attention (and don't cause your brain to spontaneously combust in the process), there's something about two gleefully corrupt cops named Terry Monroe (Skarsgaard) and Bob Bolano (Pena) investigating a robbery involving a British businessman named Lord James Mangan (James), his androgynous right-hand man/woman Russell Birdwell (Jones), a sexpot named Jackie Hollis (Thompson) whose involvement is never made clear, and a pair of snitches (Wilmot and Barrett).
If anyone unfortunate enough to sit through this utter failure of a black comedy understood more about the plot than this, I extend my heartiest congratulations. Either you "got" what director John Michael McDonagh was going for, or you're lying and saying you did to get some intellectual cred. Since everyone knows how much I despise such wannabe cineastes and bash them every chance I can get in my reviews, my guess is that such people don't read anything I write which leaves only option number one.
The film boasts a strong cast of character actors and rising stars, but I would suggest to them that they leave this title off their resumes. They certainly don't have anything to be proud of in this movie. Michael Pena appears to be doing a Wes Anderson version of Seth Rogen, which is all that needs to be said. Alexander Skarsgaard looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Tessa Thompson brings the same kind of worldliness that makes Lisa Bonet so interesting, but she has nothing to do. Theo James is uneven. And Caleb Landry Jones wins hands down the competition for the most irritating performance of 2017.
There's a lot of dialogue in this movie and a bit of slapstick and gratuitous violence for good measure. They make passes for quirky and funny, but it doesn't succeed as either. Okay, so there are a handful of clever one-liners,l and I did like the opening scene with a drug-dealing mime, but all told there are about two minutes of decent material in this movie, and it's 100 minutes long. That leaves 88 minutes of utter boredom.
McDonagh tries to be hip and smart by having a running gag (a term I use with purpose) revolving around famous quotes by famous people and other "philosophical" conversations, but rather than being funny or illuminating, they're pretentious and pathetic. Name dropping Simone de Beauvoir and Aeneas doesn't make the movie any smarter. Just desperate to appeal to the arthouse crowd in a movie that shouldn't have bothered.
So "War on Everyone" is stupid, pretentious, badly acted and boring. I forgot to mention that it's also almost completely incoherent and totally pointless. I think that covers it.
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