Samson
2.5/4
Starring: Taylor James, Jackson Rathbone, Greg Kriek, Caitlin Leahy, Rutger Hauer, Billy Zane, Frances Sholto-Douglas
Rated PG-13 for Violence and Battle Sequences
"Samson" is far and away the funniest movie so far in 2018. Okay, so it's still only February, but you get my point. This Christian film is a hoot from start to finish. A cavalcade of bad acting, ridiculous melodrama, and more howlers than most legitimate comedies, I can almost recommend "Samson" for the cinematic trainwreck that it is.
There are two ways to look at this movie: as a straight, inspirational Christian film, it's a failure. The plot is a mess and the performances are wooden enough to make one wonder where the fire hazard signs are. And for a movie aimed at the "God's Not Dead" crowd, it's both sanctimonious and sacrilegious. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of the faithful who will be offended by a movie that turns a Biblical figure into the equivalent of a Marvel superhero. Complete with ramping. Or how he draws the villain's attention by sending foxes running through the fields with their tails on fire (a nice image, especially because it comes with their squeals of terror).
Samson (James) is the Chosen One of the Jewish People. Blessed by God with superhuman strength, he has been destined since birth to lead his people to freedom. That puts him into conflict with King Balek (Zane) and his vicious son Rallah (Rathbone). Both correctly see him as a threat to their power, but Rallah seeks to make the burly Samson his plaything. Sadistically goading the benevolent Samson into a fight, Rallah relishes in making life hell for Samson, his wife Taren (Sholto-Douglas) and his village. Though sworn to peace and reluctant to fight, Samson eventually realizes that he's going to have to take Rallah down.
The title character is played by relative newcomer Taylor James, who bears a striking similarity to "Twilight" star Taylor Lautner. They have the same heavy eyebrows, impressive pecs, and a complete void where talent is concerned. "Stiff" doesn't begin to describe him. His on-screen rival, Jackson Rathbone (who ironically is a "Twilight" veteran), is a hoot as Rallah. Rathbone camps it up to a heretofore unseen degree. Not since Roger Allam chewed the scenery in "Speed Racer" has a villain gone so far over-the-top. Has-been actor Billy Zane also does some frothing at the mouth, but he's only on screen long enough to pick up his paycheck. A slumming Rutger Hauer has a small role as Samson's father.
I feel like I shouldn't bother discussing the film's plot for two reasons: either my brain will explode or I'll have a heart attack from laughing so hard. Still, I'm a film critic, and thus it is my job to explain how a supposedly serious film ventures so far into unintentional hilarity. Observe: at one point our impossibly toned hero gets into a fight with a bunch of bad guys. The camera cuts away and we see more than a hundred corpses piled on top of each other. Since we never see him move in any direction, how did he get them so neatly piled on one another, without ever having any of them fall over a cliff? The plot also contains more bloody betrayals than a Shakespearean tragedy. And any appearance by Rallah will leave an audience member in tears.
I've always held the belief that for a movie to be enjoyable on a camp level, there has to be something legitimately praiseworthy. For example, while "Red Sonja" lacked in areas such as acting ability, convincing dialogue and common sense, it made up for it in earnestness and some great looking shots of the scenery. Not to mention Ennio Morricone's score. That holds true here. While undeniably a bad movie, "Samson" is never boring, and Caitlin Leahy, who plays the treacherous Delilah, is a natural actress with a surprising ability to rescue some of the film's most purple lines.
So "Samson" doesn't work in the way it's supposed to. It's impossible to take any of it seriously, but I have to admit that it is entertaining on some level. This is a movie where a warped sense of humor and lots of alcohol will magnify the film's pleasures. However guilty they may be,
Starring: Taylor James, Jackson Rathbone, Greg Kriek, Caitlin Leahy, Rutger Hauer, Billy Zane, Frances Sholto-Douglas
Rated PG-13 for Violence and Battle Sequences
"Samson" is far and away the funniest movie so far in 2018. Okay, so it's still only February, but you get my point. This Christian film is a hoot from start to finish. A cavalcade of bad acting, ridiculous melodrama, and more howlers than most legitimate comedies, I can almost recommend "Samson" for the cinematic trainwreck that it is.
There are two ways to look at this movie: as a straight, inspirational Christian film, it's a failure. The plot is a mess and the performances are wooden enough to make one wonder where the fire hazard signs are. And for a movie aimed at the "God's Not Dead" crowd, it's both sanctimonious and sacrilegious. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of the faithful who will be offended by a movie that turns a Biblical figure into the equivalent of a Marvel superhero. Complete with ramping. Or how he draws the villain's attention by sending foxes running through the fields with their tails on fire (a nice image, especially because it comes with their squeals of terror).
Samson (James) is the Chosen One of the Jewish People. Blessed by God with superhuman strength, he has been destined since birth to lead his people to freedom. That puts him into conflict with King Balek (Zane) and his vicious son Rallah (Rathbone). Both correctly see him as a threat to their power, but Rallah seeks to make the burly Samson his plaything. Sadistically goading the benevolent Samson into a fight, Rallah relishes in making life hell for Samson, his wife Taren (Sholto-Douglas) and his village. Though sworn to peace and reluctant to fight, Samson eventually realizes that he's going to have to take Rallah down.
The title character is played by relative newcomer Taylor James, who bears a striking similarity to "Twilight" star Taylor Lautner. They have the same heavy eyebrows, impressive pecs, and a complete void where talent is concerned. "Stiff" doesn't begin to describe him. His on-screen rival, Jackson Rathbone (who ironically is a "Twilight" veteran), is a hoot as Rallah. Rathbone camps it up to a heretofore unseen degree. Not since Roger Allam chewed the scenery in "Speed Racer" has a villain gone so far over-the-top. Has-been actor Billy Zane also does some frothing at the mouth, but he's only on screen long enough to pick up his paycheck. A slumming Rutger Hauer has a small role as Samson's father.
I feel like I shouldn't bother discussing the film's plot for two reasons: either my brain will explode or I'll have a heart attack from laughing so hard. Still, I'm a film critic, and thus it is my job to explain how a supposedly serious film ventures so far into unintentional hilarity. Observe: at one point our impossibly toned hero gets into a fight with a bunch of bad guys. The camera cuts away and we see more than a hundred corpses piled on top of each other. Since we never see him move in any direction, how did he get them so neatly piled on one another, without ever having any of them fall over a cliff? The plot also contains more bloody betrayals than a Shakespearean tragedy. And any appearance by Rallah will leave an audience member in tears.
I've always held the belief that for a movie to be enjoyable on a camp level, there has to be something legitimately praiseworthy. For example, while "Red Sonja" lacked in areas such as acting ability, convincing dialogue and common sense, it made up for it in earnestness and some great looking shots of the scenery. Not to mention Ennio Morricone's score. That holds true here. While undeniably a bad movie, "Samson" is never boring, and Caitlin Leahy, who plays the treacherous Delilah, is a natural actress with a surprising ability to rescue some of the film's most purple lines.
So "Samson" doesn't work in the way it's supposed to. It's impossible to take any of it seriously, but I have to admit that it is entertaining on some level. This is a movie where a warped sense of humor and lots of alcohol will magnify the film's pleasures. However guilty they may be,
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