The Ice Road

 2.5/4

Starring: Liam Neeson, Marcus Thomas, Benjamin Walker, Amber Midthunder, Laurence Fishburne, Holt McCallany, Martin Sensmeier, Matt McCoy, Matt Salinger, Chad Bruce

Rated PG-13 for Strong Language and Scenes of Action and Violence

In many respects, "The Ice Road" is a very bad movie.  It's loud, dumb and takes the realm of the absurd to a whole new level.  It does have one saving grace: it's hilarious.  Not intentionally, but all the same, I could barely suppress giggles the entire time.  From the horrible screenplay to the hammy acting, "The Ice Road" is the embodiment of the term "guilty pleasure."

A sudden explosion at the Katka diamond mine has just trapped 21 miners.  If there is any hope for them to survive, a special well head and other materials must be delivered in less than 30 hours. That means driving big rigs over the ice roads.  In prime conditions, such a mission would be dangerous enough to be labeled as suicidal.  But this is April, and the ice roads have been closed for five weeks.  Even worse, someone doesn't want them to succeed.

Hell hath no fury like Liam Neeson!  Ever since "Taken," Liam Neeson has, to varying degrees, been typecast as a violent, vengeful tough guy.  Remember, this is the guy who played Oskar Schindler.  That goes to show you something about the man's versatility.  "The Ice Road" is in that tradition of violent, stupid action movies where he vows revenge against those who crossed him.  And as hard to believe as it may be, "The Ice Road" is even dumber than "Taken."

This movie is so poorly written that I'd hazard a guess that about half the dialogue is the characters explaining what they are doing and why.  The hammy performances do not help.  Neeson is just there for the money, Laurence Fishburne is only in half the movie, and Benjamin Walker doesn't chew the scenery enough (his role cries out for him to go over the top).  Amber Midthunder displays little charisma and even less talent as the obligatory tough female; every scene without her is a blessing.  Only Marcus Thomas, who plays Neeson's injured veteran brother, manages to turn in a solid performance.

A movie like this comes down to the execution.  For example, "Speed" is just as hard to swallow as "The Ice Road," but it was Jan de Bont's skillful direction that kept the energy and suspense level high enough that we didn't stop to think about how ludicrous the movie was.  But writer/director Jonathan Hensleigh, whose previous credits include "The Punisher" and "Kill the Irishman," doesn't have de Bont's talent or breathless energy.  I'll give him props for trying and for his efficiency; once the film starts, it never stops.

For all the cornball plotting and purple dialogue, there is one part of me that wants to recommend "The Ice Road."  After all, in some perverse, masochistic way, I did enjoy myself.  I had fun in the same I had fun with movies like "Samson" and "Turbulence."  I mean, you have numerous fist fights, including one on the ice that feels a little like a "Three Stooges" skit and a villain with more lives than a cat.  And a man can get knocked into the ice by a 30-ton hunk of metal, nearly drown, and still be around for the next reel.  This is of course a movie where you don't ask questions like this, but all the same...

Look, I can't sit here and tell you to watch this movie.  At the same time, I can't deny having a good time watching this movie.  So do I recommend the film?  Read the review and you tell me.

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