Hocus Pocus 2

 1/4

Starring: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, Whitney Peak, Belissa Escobedo, Lila Buckingham, Sam Richardson, Doug Jones

Rated PG for Action, Macabre/Suggestive Humor and Some Language

It's rather astonishing that anyone remembers "Hocus Pocus" after all these years.  It's really not a good movie (I gave it a very weak 3/4, mostly out of nostalgia).  But it nevertheless found a niche as a sleepover favorite for millennials.  It isn't the first movie that has an undeserved spot in American pop culture (can anyone objectively say that "Dirty Dancing" and "The Mighty Ducks" are quality movies while keeping a straight face?), and it won't be the last.

Which brings us to 2022.  The follow up, after 29 years, was the brain child of Bette Midler, who recognized that the original struck a nerve in audiences and has been chomping at the bit for another outing as Winifred Sanderson.  "Hocus Pocus" appeared to be too lightweight to support a sequel, and this movie proves it.  Cause it sucks.

It's been a lifelong tradition for Becca (Peak), Izzy (Escobedo) and Cassie (Buckingham) to go through to rituals of resurrecting the Sanderson sisters before going home and watching scary movies.  But Cassie has grown up faster than the other two and has discovered popularity.  A rift has grown between them, and none of them seem willing to do the obvious in order to repair it.  The local magic shop owner Gilbert (Richardson) has a trick up his sleeve: he gives them the real black candle for their ritual.  Becca and Izzy then unwittingly resurrect the Sanderson sisters and they're no cosplayers.  They're trying to cast a spell that will make them immortal and all powerful.

Watching "Hocus Pocus 2," I got the sense that it was more fun for the actors to make than it is for the audience to watch.  Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy are clearly having a lot of fun.  The Sanderson sisters cannot be played straight, so the actresses compete with each other to see who can go further over the top.  The problem is that while Midler, Parker and Najimy are obviously suppressing giggles, it doesn't translate to the audience.  None of them are given anything interesting or funny to do; the height of wit in this film is how they believe that automatic doors work because of their power.

As overbearing as the Sanderson sisters can be, at least they made me feel something.  That's more than can be said for Whitney Peak, Melissa Escobedo and Lila Buckingham.  Becca, Izzy and Cassie are so boring that one wouldn't be remiss for mistaking them for on set props.  It's true that Omri Katz, Vinessa Shaw and Thora Birch didn't play the most original teen heroes in the original, but they were compared to these three.

For whatever reason, the producers decided to hire Anne Fletcher to helm this sequel.  The reason is obvious: her films are as safe and bland as they come (her credits include the worthless "Hot Pursuit" and the equally awful "The Guilt Trip").  For a movie that owes its entire existence to nostalgia, that's a good thing, I guess, since the film takes no chances and lacks any discernible edge.  She and her writers are cynically assuming that as long as audiences see their favorite characters again, they won't give a damn if the movie is any good.  It's not an unreasonable point of view.  I mean, "Thor: Love and Thunder" made bank at the box office despite doing absolutely nothing.

Three decades is a long time to wait for a follow-up.  At least they were trying with "Top Gun: Maverick."  There's no effort to be found here.  Just a studio mining childhood memories to line its pockets.  No one is trying with this movie, and that's why it sucks.  "Hocus Pocus 2" is just bad movie making.  And no amount of nostalgia can save this turkey.

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