Cradle 2 the Grave

 1/4

Starring: DMX, Jet Li, Gabrielle Union, Mark Dacascos, Kelly Hu, Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson

Rated R for Violence, Language and Some Sexual Content

I've gone on record multiple times saying that criticizing a move for being formulaic is unfair.  If the script is good, the performances are top notch and the direction is sure, who gives a damn?  In fact, there are more than a few instances where knowing what must happen next enhances the film ("The Last Samurai" is an excellent example).  And anyway, there are plenty of "adventurous" films out there that are a load of crap.  Perhaps this is what the late Roger Ebert meant when he said "a movie is not about what it's about; it's about how it's about it."

However, when the intangibles are not in place, a movie can be a real trial.  I don't have much negative to say about the performances, since the majority of them are better than the material deserves.  But the screenplay is a joke, and while Andrzej Bartkowiak may be a gifted cinematographer (his credits include "Speed" as well as a number of films by Sidney Lumet), he is not a great filmmaker.  What should be at the very least stupid fun is instead a tired, wheezy action picture with very little going for it.

Anthony Fait (DMX) is the ringleader of a quartet of jewel thieves living in L.A.  Their latest job entails sneaking into a vault during a diamond convention and looting the safety deposit boxes.  They find plenty of them while raiding the white collar criminals, but the real prize is a group of black diamonds.  That's when Fait gets a call from a mysterious man, alerting them that he wants the black diamonds for himself and the cops are on their way.  Someone else wants them too.  His name is Ling (Dacascos), and he will do anything to get them, including snatching Fait's daughter.  Now he has to team up with the caller, who turns out to be a Taiwanese cop named Su (Li) to track down the jewels and rescue his little girl.

Action movies are not known to be the pinnacle of narrative.  Particularly in the martial arts genre.  Movies like "Minority Report" and "Heat" are rare.  In general, plot is simply what carries the characters from one action scene to another.  That's fine as long as the film makes up for it with adrenaline and appealing special effects.  That's not the case with "Cradle 2 the Grave," which is so dull that it's hard to pay attention to even if you're actively trying.  Eventually, I gave up.  How dull is it?  Imagine a movie so lifeless that it makes a car chase between an ATV, a motorbike and an array of cop cars sleep inducing.

I wouldn't say that DMX and Jet Li give good performances, as the screenplay doesn't give them anything to work with.  But they have screen presence, which is essential in an action picture.  Jet Li has a cool charisma that works for him, and the late DMX has an angry intensity that is arresting.  Unfortunately, Bartkowiak never capitalizes on this.  Mark Dacascos has a nasty enough smirk to make him a slimy villain, but he isn't given much to do beyond that.  Ditto for Kelly Hu.  Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson are on hand as the obligatory comic relief, but they don't work.  It's rather shocking just how unfunny they are.

In the end, "Cradle 2 the Grave" (a nonsensical title, by the way) fails not because it uses Action Movie 101 as its plot, but because it does so with no energy or flair.  It's lazy filmmaking, plain and simple.  The fact that it relies so heavily on its plot (that approximately zero people will care about) is only a testament to its ineptitude.  Bartkowiak should have realized this and allowed his stars to kick more ass.  Instead, we have this, which has too little excitement, too little adrenaline and too little fun.

But if you're wanting to see Mark Dacascos beat the crap out of people, watch "Brotherhood of the Wolf." Trust me on this.