Kung Fu Hustle


0.5/4

Starring: Stephen Chow, Wah Yuen, Qiu Yuen, Kwok-Kwan Chan, Siu-Lung Liung

Rated R for Sequences of Strong Stylized Action and Violence

“This makes no sense.”—The Beast, “Kung Fu Hustle.”

No truer words have been spoken about this movie.  Say what you want about trashy American action movies like “Transformers,” but at least they have connecting plot (thin as it may be).  That’s more than can be said for Stephen Chow’s “Kung Fu Hustle,” which is little more than action punchlines with no setup or context.  Or even a plot.

In China (the 1940’s, according to iMDb, but the movie never makes this clear), the country has been overrun by gangs, specifically the Axes.  They keep everyone in a firm grip through murder, extortion and whatever hip special effects they can conjure up.  The only place that is free from the Axes is Pig Sty Alley, a slum so poor that the Axes simply have no interest in harassing anyone there.  One day, a pair of dimwits, Sing (Chow) and Bone (Lam Chi-Chung) enter Pig Sty Alley, pretending to be Axes.  Unbeknownst to them, there are a number of kung-fu masters who have taken up residence there, and the rest of the tenants don’t want the Axes intruding on their turf (such as it is).  That’s when the real Axes show up, and for some reason, they want the said kung-fu masters out of the way.  Then Sing, who desperately wants to be an Axe, can’t pass the initiation, and…whatever.  Who cares?

There is a great distance from what “Kung Fu Hustle” wants to be and what it actually is.  It wants to be a groovy spoof/homage to martial arts cheesefests that have become cult classics, while mixing in a sort of Looney Tunes-ish humor.  What it is, on the other hand, is a nonsensical mess that couldn’t be more boring or pointless.

The film does almost nothing right, and since Stephen Chow wrote, directed, produced and starred in this debacle, the responsibility lies at his feet.  Other than the fact that the plot is non-existent, there are a number of other problems.  The movie doesn’t establish a set of rules for what can and cannot happen, the jokes are poorly timed and executed (groovy mood music is not the best compliment to a joke that’s supposed to make you laugh), the movie references/spoofs/whatever you want to call them are poorly placed and unclear as to what is being referenced.  Imagine, if you will, hearing some moron say “To get to the other side” and expect you to laugh at it.  Not only is the joke lame, but it has no setup.

The only thing that works in the movie is Fong, the mute ice cream vendor.  She doesn’t say a word, but the actresses who play the part (young and old), Shengyi Huang (and the little girl who plays little Fong, but I couldn’t find her name on iMDb) are quite good at using their faces to generate sympathy.  But then again, there are plenty of thespians who are able to do this, so that’s not a reason to sit through this shitfest.

Surprisingly, this did extremely well, grossing over $100 million against a $20 million budget, and it got great reviews.  Maybe I missed something, but I found this to be longer than “Lawrence of Arabia,” despite being only a third of the length.

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