St. Trinian's


1.5/4

Starring: Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, Russell Brand, Tallulah Riley, Gemma Arterton, Lena Heady

Rated PG-13 for Thematic Elements, Drug and Alcohol Content, Sexual Material and Language

The trailer for “St. Trinian’s School for Bad Girls” makes the film look to be a funny underdog comedy, if a formulaic one.  Sadly, that’s not the case.  The film itself is painfully unfunny, completely unorganized, and unbearably boring.

St. Trinian’s School for Girls is not your average school.  The kids run the place, spending their time pulling pranks and wreaking all sorts of havoc (the opening scene shows a burning car and a shrunken head with a knife in it on school grounds), the teachers are drunk and incompetent, and the headmistress, Camilla Fritton (Everett in his worst performance ever) thinks they’re just expressing themselves.  A new girl, Annabelle (Riley) has been transferred to the school by her father (also Everett, also in an unspeakably bad performance).  But because Camilla hasn’t paid the bills, the school is about to go under.  And no one is happier about that than the new Education Minister (Firth), who is looking to close down the worst schools in Britain.  But the kids at St. Trinian’s aren’t willing to sit by and let that happen, so they plan to get the money through unconventional (read: criminal) means.

There are so many problems with this movie it’s astonishing anyone could sit through it without turning it off.  The script, by Piers Ashworth and Nick Moorcroft, is a mess, and on top of that, most of the jokes are duds.  About 90% of the jokes fall flat, and the ones that work aren’t likely to cause spasms of laughter in anyone.  It’s enough to make one feel sorry for Ronald Searle, whose cartoons served as the basis for this film.

I’d be hesitant to blame the actors (after all, this is a series of skits strung together by a plot that’s really just a pitch), except that no one really tries to do anything.  The cast is talented, but no one stands out except for Rupert Everett, and for all the wrong reasons.  Everett can be hilarious (“My Best Friend’s Wedding” is a great example of his talents), but here he’s horrible in both of the dual roles he plays.  He’s so awful that it’s almost criminal.

I’ll admit that I laughed a few times, particularly at the beginning.  But apart from that and a few stabs at Colin Firth’s roles in “Pride and Prejudice,” there’s not much to like here.  Some of the blame must also go to directors Oliver Parker (who has made a number of successful film adaptations of Oscar Wilde’s plays) and Barnaby Thompson, and not just for greenlighting a script that’s this bad.  Of course, there’s the possibility that it was butchered by an incompetent editor, but even if that is the case, there’s also the fact that many of the jokes are poorly timed, or simply unfunny to begin with.  On top of that, the directors mishandle the material completely.  Having antiheroes as the protagonists means that the film must do one of two things: go all the way and produce a full-on black comedy with characters we’re not supposed to like at all, or soften them to make them into just mischievous pranksters.  Parker and Thompson try to do both, and it doesn’t work on either level.  At no point was I hoping that St. Trinian’s would stay open.  The kids are monsters and education is the last thing on anyone’s mind there.  St. Trinian’s School for Girls should be condemned.  You know, just like the movie.

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