Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides


2/4

Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush

Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Action/Adventure Violence, Some Frightening Images, Sensuality and Innuendo

The long awaited return of Captain Jack Sparrow is here, and the bottom line is that it’s not very good.  It’s a pale echo of the delicious fun of the first three, mainly because the story doesn’t make much sense and there are far too many characters, leaving Jack (the sole reason why this series is so great) with little to do.
Jack Sparrow (Depp) has been enlisted by King George (Richard Griffiths in the most ridiculously over-the-top performance he has ever given) to find the Fountain of Youth.  He has teamed up with an old flame, Angelica (Cruz) and her father, Blackbeard (McShane).  Also on the trail are some Spaniards and Captain Barbossa (Rush).

The main problem with the film is that it’s not fun.  There’s simultaneously too much going on and not enough.  Too much of the running time is devoted to a threadbare plot and characters that serve no purpose.  Disney executive Oren Aviv said, “"It's important to get the story right and it's important to me to scale it down, because we can't get bigger. The movies have subsequently gotten bigger and bigger and very complicated and they were satisfying on so many levels obviously, but I want to kind of reboot the whole thing and bring it down to its core, its essence, just characters." This is whitewash of the fact that they wanted to bilk moviegoers out of hard earned cash by putting something on the screen that is so safe that it’s boring.

Johnny Depp is Jack Sparrow.  He lives and breathes the character, and it’s a joy to revisit him.  Unfortunately, he’s not given much to do.  Try as he might to carry the film, the script is more concerned with its scrambled storyline and superfluous characters.  Geoffrey Rush, coming off of his Oscar nomination for “The King’s Speech,” suffers from the same problem.  Penelope Cruz is okay as Angelica, but she’s no Elizabeth Swann.  And Ian McShane fails to really chill as Blackbeard.  Of the new characters, the only who really shines is Sam Claflin, who plays a missionary that falls in love with a mermaid.

Director Rob Marshall takes over the reins from the original trilogy’s director, Gore Verbinski.  It’s a workmanlike effort, which is disappointing coming from the innovative direction of “Chicago.”  But there’s also a distinct lack of excitement and humor in the production.  The only scene that raises the blood level is the mermaid attack (which is strongly reminiscent of the skeleton attack in the first film).

The real killjoy is the 3-D.  It’s a disastrous choice on the part of the studio.  The lighting is poor, especially in the night scenes (which compromise about 75% of the film), and it’s unnoticeable.  My advice is to take the glasses off during the periods between the action scenes.

In many ways, writing a review of this film is pointless.  The film is going to make boatloads of money because it has a huge built-in fan base, and the fans want to see their favorite character again.  Pity he’s not in a better movie.

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