Alien vs Ninja


0.5/4

Starring: Mika Hijii, Ben Hiura, Shuji Kashiwabara, Masanori Mimoto

Unrated (contains violence and gore)

Watching movies for camp value is always a risky thing, especially because everyone’s sense of humor is different.  When it works, it can be funny, but unlike in regular comedies which have solid acting, plots and production values, a campy movie that falls flat is agonizing.  “Alien vs. Ninja” is a hit-and-miss campy horror flick, but unfortunately, it misses more often than it hits, and even when the gags work, they’re not particularly funny.

A group of ninjas have just returned from some battle, when they are sent out again to investigate a mysterious comet that has fallen to the ground.  Unfortunately for them, the comet contains a few really nasty aliens.

Admittedly, you don’t go into movies like this for plot or characterizations, which is why it’s pointless to criticize a film by rules that do not apply.  That being said, this is still a really shitty movie.  It has all the materials to be a good campy movie (a horrible, simplistic script, over-the-top acting, cheesy production design, a monster that is obviously a guy in a suit, etc), but it commits the one fatal sin that befalls campy movies that don’t work: it’s boring.

I can’t comment on the acting because I don’t know who played which part (the roles in the credits were in Japanese, and the actors were not identified by character on iMDb).  Be that as it may, I will try to address which of the performances work and which don’t.  The lead hero appears to be aping Jackie Chan, and fails miserably at it.  The girl looks a little like Lucy Liu, only without the talent.  The only one who sort of works is the fat blond ninja who’s really a coward.  The actor playing him has a gift for physical comedy, but he’s irritating as often as he is funny.

Seiji Chiba wrote and directed this piece of garbage (which, thankfully, is quite short).  It’s easy to see what he’s trying to do, but he fails.  This might have worked better as a 20 minute short, but at four times that length, it’s a shade above painful.  Although there are too many small chuckles for me to give it a zero star rating (which is the only reason why I watched this movie---I need a zero star rating for my archives), but it’s close.

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