Killer Elite


0/4

Starring: Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Robert DeNiro

Rated R for Strong Violence, Language, and Some Sexuality/Nudity

I want my money back.

After sitting through this 2 hour shitfest, I deserve some sort of compensation from the people that made this “movie.”  Within the first 20 minutes, I was hopelessly lost.  After 30, I stopped caring.  At 35 minutes, I was bored out of my mind.  The action sequences, of which there are many, lack any sort of adrenaline, and the plot makes less sense than “Donnie Darko.”  Not even “Abduction” was this horrid.

Ex-Special Ops soldier Danny (Statham) is now a hitman under the tutelage of Hunter (De Niro, complete with a full beard).  After a job that went badly, Danny gets out of the business of killing people.  He’s brought back when Hunter is kidnapped for failing to do a job.  Now Danny must kill three members of a British Special Forces team (and make the assassinations look like accidents) in order to save Hunter from ending up six feet under.  That’s easier said than done, since all members of the team are highly skilled and hyper paranoid.  That’s why they send a highly trained killer named Spike (Owen) to kill Danny before he finishes the job.

At least I think that’s how it goes, but don’t quote me on it.  The film is a complete mess.  Director Gary McKendry is completely in over his head.  He has absolutely no grasp of storytelling.  Nothing in this film makes any sense, and that means complete boredom.  That’s not enough to completely tank a project, but the action scenes don’t raise the pulse at all either.

Jason Statham may never be known as a great actor, but the man has screen presence and can throw out some good one-liners (despite having a British accent so thick that it’s impossible to understand what he says), and that’s really all that’s required for an action hero.  Of greater surprise to find in this craptastic disaster is Clive Owen.  As talented as he is choosy, Owen’s appearance in this movie is enough to raise the eyebrows (my guess is that the money was too good to turn down).  DeNiro’s appearance isn’t as shocking.  His role is small, enabling to take the money and run, and he’ll appear in anything if the price is right (he was one of the leads in last year’s “Stone,” the only movie I’ve ever walked out of in the theater).

Apparently, this was based on a true story (bringing to mind another movie starring Statham: “The Bank Job,” which is infinitely better than this one).  Although the names were changed to protect those involved (I assume), the people whose story served as the basis for this movie probably would have wanted them changed even if they didn’t care for their safety or reputations; being associated with “Killer Elite” would be bad enough.

Up until tonight, I thought “Judy Moody and the Not So Bummer Summer” would reign supreme on my Bottom Ten list this year.  Although less irritating than that horrid kids’ movie, “Killer Elite” is definitely the worst of the two turds.

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