The Three Musketeers (2011)


2.5/4

Starring:  Logan Lerman, Matthew MacFayden, Luke Evans, Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovovich, Mads Mikkelson, Christoph Waltz

Rated PG-13 for Sequences of Adventure Action Violence

When it comes to describing Paul W.S. Anderson’s new film version of Alexander Dumas’ novel, “The Three Musketeers,” “second rate” is the appropriate term.  The film is lacking in every department: acting, directing, scripting, story, etc.  I can’t comment on the 3D since I saw the 2D version, but something tells me that the 3D is half-assed as well.

The Three Musketeers: Athos (MacFayden), Porthos (Stevenson), and Aramis (Evans) are the king’s personal guard.  But without missions to carry out, they’re bored.  Along comes D’Artagnan (Lerman), son of one of the ex-Musketeers (I think).  This cocky kid intends to join up, and it isn’t long before they uncover a plot by Cardinal Richeliu (Waltz) to start a war between France and Britain so he can assume the throne (by proxy, at least).  That’s when the Musketeers come in to save the day.

The story is just as lame as it sounds, and sometimes the dialogue is laughably bad.  The acting is just as lackluster, although considering the script, that shouldn’t be much of a surprise.  The worst of the lot is Logan Lerman.  Although the young actor has shown promise in the past, like in “The Patriot” and “Percy Jackson,” he is so wooden here that one fears that with all the sparks and cannonballs flying, he’s going to catch fire.  MacFayden and Stevenson are good, but they’re given little to do.  The other member of the foursome, Luke Evans, does his best to blend into the background.  Waltz is his usual reliable self, although something tells me he did this strictly for the paycheck.  Milla Jovovich is good as his right-hand lady (maybe).  Oddly enough, the most interesting performance belongs to Orlando Bloom.  Although not the best acting in the movie by any means, Bloom plays a villain for a change, and he overacts to his heart’s content.  It’s unusual to say the least.

Paul W.S. Anderson doesn’t have a particularly stellar track record.  His movies have been at best, serviceable, but only “Event Horizon” is actually worth seeing.  He has a gift for action sequences, but here, they’re lackluster.  The film picks up in the final act when most of the action takes place, but I think that’s because it’s like a steampunk pirate battle, which again, is unusual.

The film has all the requisite elements of a good summer action movie, but Anderson isn’t able to bring them all together.  In a different movie, some of the one-liners could be considered clever, but here, they lack punch.  Kind of like the movie as a whole.

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