Priest (2011)


2/4

Starring: Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Karl Urban, Maggie Q, Christopher Plummer

Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Violence and Action, Disturbing Images and Brief Strong Language

I’m kind of at a loss as to why “Priest” was released in May as opposed to January or February, one of Hollywood’s “dumping” months.  It certainly has the qualities that would keep it in good company amongst the films the studios no longer have any hope for: a plot that’s as complex as a pitch to a producer, a lack of characters worth caring about, almost no excitement…yet somehow the producers thought it was fit to stand against the likes of “Thor.”  How did they think this would come out on top (or even break even?  Beats me.

Priest (Bettany) is one of the warriors who defended the human race against the vampires in The War.  But now that the vampires have been exiled, he’s left useless.  The Church rules all, and when vampires capture his niece, they forbid him to go after her.  He goes anyway, and tagging along is a guy named Hicks (Gigandet), who loves her.

Here are the good things about this movie: the setting is unique.  It’s a gothic steampunk western, and although with a little more imagination, it could have been eyepopping, it is nonetheless intriguing.  Additionally, Paul Bettany proves that he can be a better badass than Russell Crowe when he has a bad script (ironically, this is the second religiously-themed action/horror flick that Bettany has starred in and was directed by Scott Charles Stewart.  I’ll admit that this is marginally better than “Legion,” however).  Karl Urban and especially Christopher Plummer are good in small roles.

The bad: this is one of those movies that would have been better with an R-rating.  With all the slicing and dicing and vampire attacks that go on here, more blood and gore would have given it a sharper edge.  As it is, it looks more emaciated than it actually is.  I guess we’ll have to wait for the unrated DVD.  There is some blood (which begs the question why the MPAA gave this film the coveted PG-13 rating since any sign of blood is automatically an R rated film, but then again, no one understands that self-important piece of crap).  Also, Cam Gigandet is flat as Hicks.  Although he appears to be one of the way too many acting challenged studs that populate the movies these days, based on his performance here, I think that with the right director and the right script, he could do okay.

The worst: the script.  There is nothing there.  No character development, a juvenile storyline and absolutely no substance.  There’s nothing to pull us into the story, and that means boredom.  And it doesn’t help matters that the cinematography is terrible.  Or the fact that the film takes itself way to seriously.

The bottom line is that this movie is a waste of time and money.

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