The Royal Tenenbaums


0.5/4

Starring: Gene Hackman, Angelica Huston, Ben Stiller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson, Bill Murray, Danny Glover

Rated R for Some Language, Sexuality/Nudity, and Drug Content

When I first saw “The Royal Tenenbaums” on DVD, I hated it.  I loathed it.  I thought it to be the most wretched, cruel and offensive piece of shit I had ever seen (believe me, I bitched about it for years).  Now, eight or so years later, I risked my sanity and watched it again.  To my surprise, my views have softened, although not by much.  The film is still a piece of shit, but moreso because it’s incredibly pretentious and unbearably boring.

The Tenenbaums are a family of misfits.  Royal (Hackman) is the patriarch, although he and his wife Etheline (Huston) have been separated for years.  After Royal was out of the picture, Etheline nurtured her kids into prodigies of various sorts: Chas (Stiller) is a master of math and business, Margot (Paltrow) is a playwright, and Richie (Luke Wilson) is an ex-tennis star.  They’re all still depressed misfits, but then Royal enters the picture again.  He claims to be dying and wants to reconnect with his family.

In general, this is an R-rated family comedy.  You know, where everyone is in shambles, but when someone comes along and shakes things up, they become happier again.  The problem with the film is that it’s so subtle that it’s lifeless, pretentious beyond all words, and a guaranteed snoozefest.

“The Royal Tenenbaums” was an indie-film hit, and that’s not surprising.  This started the trend of every indie film where all characters must be deadpan social misfits, dress in the most random ways, are defined by the most random quirks that the writers can come up with, and say things that border on cruel (another example is the movie “Ghost World”).  I might as well say that I am NOT a fan of these movies.  They’re all the same: boring and irritating.

I don’t think there’s a filmmaker who is more obviously in love with himself and his “talent” than hipster king Wes Anderson.  Although not as well-known as James Cameron or Mel Gibson, Anderson’s conviction that he is making something “artistic” and “indie” are evident in every frame.  He dials down the energy level to near comatose levels, and he makes the actors speak the dialogue with more self-importance than anyone else I’ve seen.  While it is true that it’s “not Hollywood” and “artistic,” it’s also obvious that he’s bragging to everyone at how cute and avant-garde he is.  A half hour of his crap is enough to make you want to put a foot through the TV.

The cast is littered with big stars, but there’s not much they can do when they are kept on mute by Wes Anderson (Gene Hackman injects some much needed energy into the proceedings, but even he is stifled).  Anderson knows what he’s doing (the film is aesthetically pleasing and his shot selection is dynamic under the circumstances), which makes it clear that this was Anderson’s intention, not an unfortunate accident.  Either way, “The Royal Tenenbaums” is a royal waste of time.

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