Resident Evil

2/4

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius

Rated R for Strong Sci-Fi/Horror Violence, Language, and Sexuality/Nudity

Dear Hollywood,

If you're going to make a movie out of a video game, you have to beef up the story and the characters.  Playing a game is one thing, but watching a movie based on it takes away the interactivity.  To compensate, you have to add something to keep the audience involved.  Otherwise, you end up with this.

This is another one of those movies about when big business goes bad.  Can't CEO's get a break?  I mean, after the massive frauds and other criminalities that lead to the Great Recession, I can see the appeal, but this movie was made in 2002.  But even that doesn't save this movie.  Why?  The script could charitably be called paper thin.  I've seen direct-to-dvd movies with more complex storylines.  There aren't even clichés.  There is nothing there, and that means boredom.

In any event, the Umbrella Corporation has been doing some advanced research with dubious ethics, and somehow, one of their deadly viruses gets leaked out, turning everyone who works there into a zombie with an insatiable desire for human flesh.  What on earth were they thinking?  Why the hell would someone create this?  If it's this contagious and destructive, what possible use would it have (I mean, apart from the obvious megalomaniacs and Dick Cheney, but the virus would eventually get back to you, wouldn't it?).

Never mind.  The actors do what they can, but with such thin material, there's not much to work with.  There's no one to care about, and when someone dies, it doesn't even provoke a shrug.

At least you had the smarts to hire someone who knows what they're doing behind a camera.  Paul W.S. Anderson has made video games based on movies before (the first "Mortal Kombat" movie) before, and he made the underrated "Event Horizon."  But why did you okay a script that is thinner than single-ply toilet paper?

Admittedly, this film is not as bad as it could have been.  It has some decent action, and it's R-rated (for once).  There are also some unintentional laughs to be had at the over-acting in the first sequence, and the hideously cheesy special effects.  Or even better, the utter lack of intelligence exhibited by the characters.  Take for example their first encounters with the undead.  Despite the shuffling walks, the pale skin and their love of eating people, it takes these morons about a half an hour to figure out that these guys aren't doped up druggies in need of skin toner and Red Bull.  I'll get the fact that they haven't seen living (or is that dead?) zombies before, but come on.  Anyone who has seen a zombie movie would be able to figure out that that was what they were dealing with two seconds after being lunged at.  Unfortunately, there aren't enough of those moments to earn a recommendation.

"Resident Evil" has all the quality of a direct-to-DVD flick.  I kept thinking of Russell Mulcahy's "Tale of the Mummy" (who, ironically, you would hire to direct the first sequel).  Despite me liking that movie (thanks to the booze and low expectations), that's not a good thing for the start of the franchise.  Still, at least it's watchable, which is more than can be said for a few movies that you shell out.

The bottom line is, if you want people to come see your movies, you've gotta put more effort into them than this.

Sincerely,

Mike Gregory